Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Importance of NOW

In todays world we often get caught up in the crazy busyness of everyday life, and say "One day" or "Soon" or "I can't wait to do that some day". How many times have you said things like that to yourself, and never did the thing that you planed or dreamed of? How many times have you had this exact conversation with yourself?

All you have, is the present moment. Take a second and think about what that really means...go ahead, I'll wait for you. Now, if you have REALLY thought about it, even if you have thought about it before, you will know that it is a very profound statement, and absolutly true. Please do not put off today, all of the things that you dream of, all of the things that hold importance in your heart because you are too tired, busy, stressed, etc to do/deal with them now.

The passing of Anne Marie has taken it's toll on many hearts today, and I imagine on many more after reading everyone's facebook notes and blog posts..... There was a responce to one of the FB status's tonight that I feel VERY compeled to share with you. It made me think of when Destiny was born and she was in the Level 3 NICU. Beside her was a little boy named Noah, he was the tiniest person that I have ever seen. My 4 lb 16 inch baby was a GIANT next to him. I have always wondered what happened to him, wondered if he survied. I remember that he was always crying, although he was too little to make a sound or have tears. We knew because his little heart rate would shot so high up (I didn't know a human heart could go that fast), and you could see him tiny little face contorted with pain, anger, frusteration...who knows. NO ONE was ever there visiting him. No one was wispering to him, or stroking him tiny little body throught the incubator holes. I was always greatful that the nurses in there were great, and fast to attend to him, but sad that he did not have one on one care.....

Any way, I wanted to share this woman's story with you. Her son that she adopted was 2 yrs old, and he weighed just 9 lbs.

"Eight years ago my son laid in between two small girls in and orphanage in Ukraine. He was in an area where children that were in critical condition. Neither of these three children had a name only a number above their bed. When I met my s...on his eyes were fixed and never once moved. He was like a small doll casted aside and left to die. I would grab his small hands and wiggle his fingers and move on to the next child. Each day I noticed his eyes following me and I would whisper to him in Ukrainian "I love you" and also the two other small girls.
That weekend the heating system was not working properly and all the caregivers laid all the blankets they had on the children. They used the heavier blankets for the heatlhy children and the sick ones were left with what looked like a handtowel. The next day I had brought into the orphanage several duffle bags of blankets. I was so proud of myself for collecting all of these blankets and they were going be put to good use. I went over to my son's bed to wrap him up and noticed the smallest of the girls laid still and cold. As I slowly picked her up I realized she had died and it had been awhile and lefted unnoticed. I searched through my bags and got out the softly of all the blankets and wrapped her up and whisper once again I love you. During my frist marriage I had delivered twins and never got to hold them to say goodbye. I never had the closure and the chance to kiss their small heads. In my heart this was my Elizabeth and I got to say my goodbyes. As several hours had passed my soon to be son was still asleep, afraid inside to try to wake him, I guess it was fear. The fear of seeing death once again. The remaining little girl I could barely hear her breathe, with the small cry like a kitty. I picked her up and assured myself she was not to be alone. At that point of time I did not know it would have been her last breath. She died within minutes of my arms. I sat to the floor and just cried, like a baby I wept and wept to where I could not breathe. A caregiver minutes later came and carried her away.. The grounds were frozen and both the girls laid in a room alone. We were told they had to wait to dig a grave and buried them. Not like here we have a coffin, a service, just waiting for the grounds to unfreeze and placed in the earth. My husband Gary had went to a local store and came back with a shovel. In the far backside of this orphanage was an area where he was allowed to dig two small graves.
Once it was time to place them inside we had to stop and decided to lay them side by side. The second little girl I had named after my mother.
Slowly we added small hand fulls of dirt over their blankets. No coffin, no headstone, no flowers but we gave them a final kiss and a name.
As I enter back into my son's orphanage his bed laid empty. I thoughts my worse fears had arrived. They had moved him back in with the other babies and he had his eyes wide open. Tonight he laids in his bed filled with his stuff animals and a mother and a father that walk in his room each night to kiss him on his head. Eight years and it seems likje yesterday and I still think to myself what if I was there just a little bit sooner, thought what if I had held both of them a little more. Anne Marie is now with my little ones in Heaven. She is able to be held by the angels and now loved and not forgotten.

If we all would understand these children in these orphanages do not have clocks where we can turn back the time for them. They need to be adopted today, receive the medical care that is needed and yes be loved by a parent and have their own little bed to sleep in at night. This year we are adopting once again two small girls and in two weeks I will hold them in my arms. It will be cold outside and I pray they make it through this winter.. I pray for all children living day in and day out with noone to hold them and love them..."

I really hope that everyone has read this to the end. I know that you are likely in tears, or even sobbing. It IS important to know these things. It IS important to not turn away.

Love, light, hugs, and blessing to all

1 comment:

  1. This is heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking.