Today was Sunday, November 21, 2010. Today was Miss K's birthday. She is now 6 years old, and technically, she is still an orphan.
Ever since we started out on this journey to bring her home and make her a part of OUR family, I have always imagined that this day would be different then it was. I dreamed that we would be with her, or on our way to her, or at the very least waiting to get word of the day that we would meet her. I certainly never thought that we would still be sitting here, waiting to here from our own government. Seriously, at the end of August I was told that our government was issuing approvals within a week. Once our homestudy was submitted (a little more then a week later) our agency was told 3-4 weeks. That freaked me out a little bit, as we were on a timeline, but I could understand how they could get busier as September rolled around. Well it has now been more then 11 weeks!!!! Can that even be right! I totally stopped counting way to long ago apparently. Gee 11 weeks, could our government agencies be hindering this process anymore!?
I know that I have been pretty much completely absent from my blog. I honestly have no idea how many people, if any, wait for a new post to read, to see how things are going. I know that I have a few blogs that I follow, and I get a little antsy when they don't post, and I am always grateful when they do. So, although I'm a little doubtful, but if you are out there - I AM SORRY! I was honestly convinced that our approval would come in a couple of weeks ago, and took the week to make sure that everything else was completely together so that I could personally RUN the paperwork everywhere that it needed to go, pay what ever I needed to pay, plead, cry, and beg so that we would be able to submitted our paperwork before Miss K's government stops taking new dossiers over the holiday season. Well, considering that this Thursday is the last day for submissions, it is glaringly obvious to me that we are not going to be submitted this year. Which means that we will not be traveling this year:( As our cut off date approached, and past, the gravity of what that means hit me very hard. Top that with a "miss Destiny trigger" and it equaled a couple of VERY down days for me.
I am happy to say that the great sadness has mostly pasted. Not enough for me to think about how it was her birthday today, without us. Not enough for me to really talk about it today, while we are without her. I am trying hard to focus on some positive things of not being submitted yet, like more time to help our treasure to nail down the process of being dry ALL day and only wearing ONE pair of panties per day. The reality though, is that I am dealing with this the same way that I deal with most things that I don't want to devote to much time to thinking about, by planning and carrying out a project. Today's project was our treasures birthday party. Our treasure is 2 years and a few days younger then Miss K, so a birthday party some time around now was a give in, and we have to have our parties on Sundays, this is the day that worked. So I wrote up invitations, I put both girl's names on them, and I fully intended to say something around gift time (because that's when everyone is together and you can get their attention for a moment). I thought that we would all take a moment and think about her, send her a little birthday wish....
Here is how today went. About 4 am this morning, before I went to bed I counted out to see what time it was where my precious gift is. Okay, 11 am. I missed the morning, but she still had a lot of day left. I sat down for a moment and thought about her and wished her a happy and wonderful day, full of smiles and laughter. Then I cried a little, and went to bed. Talked to a few people at the party about how the adoption was (or was not) going, about K, and about how it is her birthday today, and yes we were sad that we were not able to be with her any time soon. Then came time for cake and gifts, and I didn't think I'd be able to say anything without starting to slip into that sadness of the weeks before, so I did not. Then I talked with my treasure about how today was her birthday party, but it was K's birthday, and we wished her a Happy Birthday. Then everyone went to bed, I am stayed up, trying to write this post and waiting for midnight so that I can draw a winner for our $200 Best Buy Gift Card.
My dear sweet, sweet, K*******, I am so very sorry that we are not closer to bringing you home yet. I am sorry that you spent another birthday without the love and hugs of a Mum & Dad. I am sorry that I am allowing this to take such a toll on me, that I am not stronger and more positive. I hope that you never see me like this, and I hope that your little sister to be doesn't notice it too much.
I hope that you had a wonderful day, that if you knew that it was your birthday, that you knew that as a positive thing. I hope that you played, had fun, laughed. I hope that you felt special, and cared about. I hope that you can feel the love that surrounds you from people all over this world. I hope that you feel the desire to be a part of a family, as deeply as we want you to be a part of our family. I pray that you do not feel the sadness or devastation that we are feeling now.
So many people love you so much. You have a HUGE family waiting for you to come home and be a part of their lives. You have a little sister who tells EVERYONE she encounters that we are going to come and get you and bring you home. You have a Daddy who is trying hard to keep his heart guarded as we go through this process to bring you home, but who's whole face lights up every time he see your picture and we talk about you being home. You have a Mummy who desperately want to be able to hold you, show you love, and have the privilege of getting to be a part of your life.
We love you. Be strong, stay happy, and open yourself up to all of the love that you have been receiving (and will continue to receive). We will be there soon, not soon enough, but soon.
Happy 6th Birthday my lovely gift :-)
Love You Always,