I had intended to write a post today, all about how it was now February, and that we were another giant step closer to our little girl. And, although that is all true, I can't help but to beat myself up about how horrible a mother I have already been to this little treasure.
We tried so hard to get our paperwork together before the SDA closed at the end of November, but much of that in regards to timing is out of our hands. We knew when we committed to her that she was already 5 yrs old, soon to be 6 and very blessed to still be at a wonderful baby house. We were assured that she would be able to stay there until we arrived for her by many people, but in the back of my mind I worried. And when we missed the cut off date, I worried even more!
Today I received the information that I was hoping to receive. All of our paperwork is ready and waiting to be submitted for next week. Our little girl is still cleared for international adoption. But what I wasn't wanting to hear, what I have been dreading and worrying, and trying to hard to not think about day in and day out was that she has been transferred.
Yep, the trauma that I was desperately hoping to save her from has happened. She was packed up and shipped out. I have NO idea what type of place she is in now, and no idea how she will be effected by this horrible travesty that has befallen her. Even if it is a "good place", she has still been ripped from the ones who know her and love her, she still has had to leave everything that she knows behind and start anew. She is now one of the youngest, the new one, the little one, a possible easy target for older not so nice children... I don't want to think about that.
I can't stop crying. I can't believe that I have failed her so much in such a short period of time.
Please join me in wishing/praying that her transition to her new location was smooth, that the people there care about the children in their care, that the other children there will be kind and loving to her. That they have warmth in this very cold winter, and that they have food to at least put in their bellies, if not able to fill them.
Hold on tight little princess, Mummy and Daddy ARE coming!!! I am so sorry that we were not able to be there sooner, but it won't be long now!!!! I am so sorry, more sorry then I will ever be able to express.