Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The news no waiting parent wants to hear,

I had intended to write a post today, all about how it was now February, and that we were another giant step closer to our little girl. And, although that is all true, I can't help but to beat myself up about how horrible a mother I have already been to this little treasure.

We tried so hard to get our paperwork together before the SDA closed at the end of November, but much of that in regards to timing is out of our hands. We knew when we committed to her that she was already 5 yrs old, soon to be 6 and very blessed to still be at a wonderful baby house. We were assured that she would be able to stay there until we arrived for her by many people, but in the back of my mind I worried. And when we missed the cut off date, I worried even more!

Today I received the information that I was hoping to receive. All of our paperwork is ready and waiting to be submitted for next week. Our little girl is still cleared for international adoption. But what I wasn't wanting to hear, what I have been dreading and worrying, and trying to hard to not think about day in and day out was that she has been transferred.

Yep, the trauma that I was desperately hoping to save her from has happened. She was packed up and shipped out. I have NO idea what type of place she is in now, and no idea how she will be effected by this horrible travesty that has befallen her. Even if it is a "good place", she has still been ripped from the ones who know her and love her, she still has had to leave everything that she knows behind and start anew. She is now one of the youngest, the new one, the little one, a possible easy target for older not so nice children... I don't want to think about that.

I can't stop crying. I can't believe that I have failed her so much in such a short period of time.

Please join me in wishing/praying that her transition to her new location was smooth, that the people there care about the children in their care, that the other children there will be kind and loving to her. That they have warmth in this very cold winter, and that they have food to at least put in their bellies, if not able to fill them.

Hold on tight little princess, Mummy and Daddy ARE coming!!! I am so sorry that we were not able to be there sooner, but it won't be long now!!!! I am so sorry, more sorry then I will ever be able to express.

18 comments:

  1. Sara, this is the way of the system. And it's horrible & awful, but it's certainly not your fault!

    Just keep moving forward. You're going for her. She doesn't even know right now, what a wonderful life she has ahead of her, but it will be wonderful & she IS loved.

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  2. Aww Sara, I'm writing you an email but I wanted to you know that my heart is ripped out for you, for your baby girl. I love Miss K almost as much as I love my Paisley, so know I am right there with you. Just hang in there, angel wings are all around you, all around her, we love you and I am so sad I just don't know what else to say.

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  3. Oh no Sara!! I'm soo sorry!! Praying for God's protection for your sweet little girl!

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  4. I'm SO sorry! Praying that God will comfort her in the new place. I'm glad you are so close.

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  5. oh dear. I'm so sorry to hear this. How awful for her. What anguish you must be in. Just focus on getting there asap. God be with you both.

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  6. Dear Sara, I am so upset over reading this on your BLOG today. My heart and prayers are with you and your little girl....I know you will receive comfort and hope. Many Blessings for God's Grace....Karen Tyler

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  7. Dear Sara ~ I'm so sorry to know that your girl was transferred. And, I'm sorry for your Mama Heart! It is not your fault! HE IS IN CONTROL! I'm Praying "specifically", that there will be an "Angel Unaware" in the place that K has been transferred to. That this Angel will guard your daughter continuously until she is in YOUR arms. I have an odd Peace about Miss K! She is going to be fine! YOU need to take care of yourself now. Eat well...sleep well...so that You will be ready for this Journey! Sending Much Love ~ Jo

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  8. I'm so sorry. I am praying. I hate transfer....

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  9. Sara big hugs. She will be alright. Just keep it steady and you will be there before you know it.

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  10. Oh, I am so sorry. I am praying that God would give you grace and patience in this ordeal. Even if your sweet daughter seems so far from you now, the Lord Jesus is close beside her. Jesus said, "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father... Fear not, therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows." Matt. 10: 29, 31

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  11. Might it be that your daughter was sent to a detsky dom ("children's house") orphanage for "older" children rather than to an institution, since she is six - the usual age for children to move up from the baby houses to the detsky doms? I do hope this is not only a possibility, but what has happened, and that she is with typical children and well-cared for. It's not easy for a child to be transferred, but this would certainly be the preferable situation. I will keep her and your family in my prayers, and hope that your travel date arrives very quickly.

    Best wishes,
    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to Two from U.

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear this. You and I both know what a struggle it is to bring a child into Ontario and I fear the governments are the ones to blame. Don't beat yourself up over it. Your dossier will be submitted in just a few days and hopefully you'll be travelling within the next few weeks.

    I know God will look after her and keep her from any harm. She may have even been transferred to a place she is happier in than the baby house. Perhaps she is going to school now! And maybe this experience is the next step God has in preparing HER for her new family.

    I'm praying for you. Let me know if you need anything from TO before you travel.

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  13. Oh, it makes me so sad to hear that she was transferred. BUt I'm very happy that she won't be in the institution much longer, she is going HOME :-)

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  14. Oh my goodness, I just heard via another family of your news. I am soooooo sorry. For the life of me I cannot understand why in the world they did not allow her to stay there until your arrival. BUT, there are so many things about the system that I will never understand.

    I am so very sorry. I know it must feel devastating.

    Please, please, please do not blame yourself. This is NOT your fault at all. You are sadly dealing with a nation that could not care less about their precious ones who have needs. What they decide to do is completely out of your hands. It is temporary and she is going to be just fine there for a short while. I'm sure that this will all be nothing but a distant memory for her very soon. The love of a family has an amazing way of bringing HEALING to her little heart. You'll see :)

    Hang tight! Keep moving forward and let's trust that things come together super fast.

    Just wanted to send you my love and a great big hug.
    Adeye

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  15. Oh my heart hurts for your family and for her. It is in NO WAY your fault at all though. I pray that you can get to her very soon and that God will be whispering in her ear that she has a wonderful family fighting to get her home.

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  16. I am so very sorry to hear that. I will keep all of you in my prayers. Please try to remember that this is God's time not yours, he has a plan. Hugs to you.

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  17. I'm just so thankful that unlike so many other children she has a family coming for her!!!!

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  18. Praying for your girl...God Knows! Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46;10...cant wait to see you holding her :)...Keep your eye on the prize. You are a great mum...!!!And a sweet friend :)!

    Love Melanie

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