In the last 9 months or so I've read a lot of blogs. Pretty much all of them have been interesting, but only a few are exceptionally written. Blogs such as No Greater Joy Mom, and Micah Six Eight, are well written, and so fully of love and emotion....
How on earth are these woman able to express themselves so well? How are they able to take all of these emotions, emotions that cause physical reactions, and make well throughout coherent posts about them? You know, there once was a time that I thought that I was a good writer, but that thought quickly went away when I started this blog.
I sit down daily, sometimes more then once a day, with the intention of sharing my heart on this blog. As you know, their certainly is not a new post everyday though. Trying to take ALL that I'm thinking and feeling, and cramming it into a post that is a reasonable length and coherent for other to read and understand, and appreciate... Well, that just doesn't seem to work for me so well.
How do you explain the whole you feel in your life? When you know that something is missing, and you can feel it out there so far away. How do you explain to someone that you know that YOUR child is out there, somewhere, and that even though said child may not be of your blood or from your womb that you KNOW that they are still meant to be with you? How do you explain to someone how you know that this is the right thing, regardless of what others would see as roadblocks? How do I possibly get all of these other thoughts and feelings that I don't have words for, down on to the screen?
Adoption has been a very long road for us. We started this process in the spring of 2003. May of 2010 we both knew without a doubt that if was time to finish this adoption, one that had been in the abstract for so long. As soon as we had both expressed that we knew it was time, finding K was so easy. Knowing that she was our so obvious to us. I could write a book about how we know this, and how I can see everything so clearly from our first thoughts of adoption so long ago, to her birth, right up to now. She is our daughter. In our hearts and souls, she is our child already.
Finding our daughter before hand has been a blessing, and a curse. Knowing that she is there, what she looks like, where she lives, what she like to eat and play with... Knowing that she has been taken from what was once her home, and a pretty good one as far as orphanages go, and moved to a whole new world..... How I hope that it's a good world....
Finding her now, loving her now, thinking about her always. It takes your adoption to a different level. It moves it out of the abstract and obscure and throws it into reality. If for any reason we were to not complete this adoption, we wouldn't be walking away from a thought, or a dream. We would be walking away from a little girl, we would be walking away from her. We would be looking into her eyes, and saying "Sorry honey, just can't do it. Guess your stuck there. Oh well, life goes on." And it would, because life doesn't stop for anyone. We would have looked at her, loved her, pledged to be her family, and then shrugged and walked away. And knowing that she is meant to be here with us, how could we do that? If you felt that way, if you had made that pledge to a child, could you just walk away?
There have only been a very few road blocks that we have encountered in this process. They have come in the minor form of people not understanding and showing various levels (or no levels) of support and understanding. The ever frustrating wait for the the different government departments who take their own sweet time to accomplish things. To the major issue of the numerous fees and charges that are associated with an international adoption.
This whole process has changed me. And after spending all day on Thursday thinking about Destiny and K, and trying again, over and over, to explain to Emily about where each of her sisters are and why, I'm seeing things differently.
Our dossier was submitted to the authorities in K's country more then 2 weeks ago now. I am surprised that we have not yet heard a response back from them yet. We could however hear from them any day now, as early as today. And we could travel any day now, as early as this weekend. But we still have a huge mountain to climb over before we can go. We have run into numerous roadblocks in this journey when it comes to money. And we just found out on Friday that we do NOT have the backup money that I was counting on. We still need approximately $16 000 before we leave.
I have learnt so many things since we started the process to bring K home, and all of it was made crystal clear to me last week. Raising this money, going to get her, and giving her a family... That's not really so much about us as it is about HER. This is all about her. Giving her everything that she deserves and dreams of. Can you look at this sweet little girl and tell her "Nope, sorry. Can't help you today. I choose to ignore the fact that you are alive. I choose to not help you." I have been so humbled. And I am now becoming completely shameless where my daughter is concerned. Our K needs your help, so that her family (us) can travel to her and bring her HOME. She needs you to promise her that she will not be an orphan much longer, that money will not stand in the way of her having a chance to know love, to have a future full of bring and wonderful possibilities.
Since finding RR I have seen so many miracles happen. Now I am asking everyone to help us to become one of those miracles. Our family needs your help. If we are to make K an official part of our family and bring her home, then we need you. I have never done this before. Admitted that I couldn't do something for my family on my own, asked others to step forward and help. There are so many times over the past that we thought that we should, that others had suggested it. So many things that we needed for Destiny, but we kept quite, hoped for a government funding to cover it, and saved for what ever else we needed. There is no government assistance to locate your child on the other side of the world and bring her home. And there is no time to just sit and save up the entire $30 000 + that the fees total up to. The credit that I was so sure would be available to us (and we were/are more then willing to in cure) is not, and so we come back to what I had always said I wouldn't do....fundraising, aggressively. What more is a mother to do? Like I said, it's not about me, I've become shameless in my words (although still feel shameful and like a failure for being here), and my daughter needs everyone help to untie her with her family.
I have been working hard at putting together a final fundraiser. Something fun, exciting, with lots of prizes, something that will help us to raise this $16 000 in two weeks. Is it doable? Of course it is!!!! I've seen it happen before, many of you have seen it happen before. And it HAS to happen now. This can't happen (unless someone out there reading is willing/able to provide all of these funds on their own) without every one's help. I will need much help in spreading the word. I will need all of you who have ever love us, loved K, how has ever prayed for us, how has a heart for orphans, everyone to share our story, share our fundraiser, and to do it over and over again, until we reach our goal. There is more then enough abundance in this world for each of us. Love, prayer, faith, and determination can accomplish ANYTHING.
We are so honoured and grateful to everyone who has helped us in our adoption so far. Please do not think that we are not. We have screamed, cried, been completely speechless, giggled uncontrollably, and felt a whole mess of different emotions with each donation that we have received. We are touched that there are people out there who care so much about our family. We have no idea if there is even an adequate way to show our thanks to each of you. But we still try to find it, to figure out how to share just how appreciative we are. For now, at this exact moment, the best I can offer is the honesty of this post, and
Thank You!!!! To each of you who have donated, shared, thought of us, prayed for us, supported us, encouraged us, and combination of these... THANK YOU :-) You have a permanent place in my heart, and my children will always know that YOU are a part of your family's story. That without you, our story would be different. Please know that YOU are important to us too.
Blessing and love