Our Journey to Home

A late Thank You to all of our supportors

2012-01-11T22:15:00.000-05:00

I did send this by email to EVERYONE who supported us in anyway through our adoption, if I had their email address. MANY of them came back to me as undeliverable :( So for anyone who missed it, here it is......

A scrapbook by Smilebox

As your dreams unfold before your eyes....

2011-11-08T11:29:00.001-05:00

You can't help but to smile, as your heart and life fill with sunshine, as you watch everything that you have ever dreamed of come to life right before your eye, in your own home. All I ever wanted in life was to be a Mom, and I have been so blessed to have the chance. After I became a Mom, it wasn't enough to have just one child, I wanted and needed more. Not just for me, but for them to have each other.

Last night K and I were going through old photos of the baby house where she lived for 5 + yrs of her life. The director is the only person who she has ever shown any rememberance or reconginition of from her old life as an orphan. Last night, she had NO idea who the woman was, she hasn't seen her in person in 12 months 5 weeks. I'm not sure if I'm sad for her, or happy that her old life hasn't left terrible scars that give her nightmares - really it just is what it is.

Also last night I finally filled her frame that I bought her with photos. When we were setting up her bedroom before we left for her country I purchased a frame that holds 8 photos to hang in her room. I had intended to send, through email, a bunch of photos from in country to my sister and have her print them out and fill the frame so that it would be complete when we got home. Well, that didn't happnen. And now I'm glad that it didn't because there are much better photos in there now then there could have been if we had kept to our oringinal plan. I did include a photo of her with her groupa on gotcha day in the frame. She was not able to name anyone or locate anyone other then her sister and herself. When I asked her if she used to live there she said "Yes :)". When I asked her if she liked it there, she said "Yes :)" When I asked her if she wants to be there or home, she said "No". I said "No, what? No home or no groupa?" She said "NO. I go with Emily."

Okay, so my Momma heart hurt for about 2 seconds that she didn't say that she wanted to be with me, BUT tears filled my eyes and my heart is overflowing that she knows that she belongs with her sister, and that she wants to be with her. A HUGE motivator for our timing when we decided that it was time to adopt was so that Emily would grow up with a sibiling, a friend. These girls are SO happy to have each other, and I am SO happy to have been able to give them the gift of each other.

There is NOTHING like having a sister!!!!

Six Months Home

2011-11-03T00:22:00.000-04:00

Just 6 months ago, right now I was slowly climbing out of a limousine in my driveway, and walking into my home. It was a very sur real experience, and one of the most memorable. We were returning home after being on the other side of the world for over 6 weeks. We walked out of our home a nervous, excited family of 3, and returned an exhausted, ecstatic family of 4 (and in no small way thanks to all of you!!!!!) :)

How quickly time flys by, how many moments we miss as we try to make it through each day. SO very much has changed in this household since I started writing this blog 18 months ago, much of that since our return from Easter Europe with our new daughter. I know that I've been terrible at updating since we got home. Adjustment for all of us was different then I expected. I do respond to emails though if anyone has any questions or wants to connect.

I thought in this post that I would first give you what everyone has been waiting for, a photo update. Make sure to scroll down though and read through all of the great things that we have been doing, learning, and creating since I went MIA from the Internet.

Our last visit at the Orphanage

1/2 hour after breaking free, running and playing in the city :)

Our new family of 4 in front of the city zoo gates

Meeting her baby cousin (born the day that we first meet K)

At home without a hat or winter coat. And with puddle boots full of water :)

Discovering the joys and love of a Grandad

Hanging out with Daddy

At the Confederation Bridge, PEI

Playing at the most awesome park I've EVER seen, in PEI

Sisters, forever

Ready for the pool

Standing on the ocean floor, Bay of Fundy NS

What's childhood if you never get to be a princess of Burger King ?

At the Sutton Fair

First time on a pony

With a butterfly on her leg at the Butterfly Conservatory (she didn't like this at all!!!)

Finding a new look

First time I gave her an ice cream of her own

Petting a sting ray at the Toronto Zoo, K's first Thanksgiving

Riding a pony at her cousin's birthday party

Loven the farm :)

Helping Aunti move into her new home

Ready for the Library Halloween Party

Ready to go Trick or Treating

Our little Miss K has come so far since we arrived home. She is settling into family life so well. She has attended countless family dinners, birthdays, holidays, celebrations, etc already. She can easily name most of her cousins from photos when she just looks blankly at photos of children from her groupa and I have to tell her who they are. She is completely toilet trained, again (as they put her in diapers when she entered the children's house). She no longer must eat with a bib on, although we are working on not wearing so much of our meal on our face and not wiping our hands on our clothes (but who doesn't have to work on that with busy little ones). She always tries to use her fork and spoon when eating now. She understands at least 95% of what we are saying to her. I understand at least 90% of what she is saying to me. She had started out in a booster seat, but was quickly moved to a car seat when she couldn't stop herself from twisting herself all the way around to look out all of the windows while we were driving, but is now graduated back to a booster seat. She no longer fake cries, or tests the rules at bed time. She no longer gets out of bed and wanders around during the night. She has stopped trying to eat my make up, and knows to stay out of that draw. She knows where her draw is in the bathroom, and applies her own make up when the mood strikes. She is now able to walk with us in the grocery store and doesn't have to ride in the cart, and is almost at the point where she doesn't have to hold my hand the entire time. And so much more, but I just can't think of it right now. She is doing amazing :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! To all of you who played a part in helping us to bring our beautiful girl home. With out you our lives would have a huge hole in it where she belonged, and she would still be sitting in a diaper in the special needs room at the children's house (provided that they didn't transfer her when they transferred Josiah..., oh too much to think about!!!) either waiting for permission from the other little girl in the groupa to play with something, or running around in a wild crazed way with the rest of the kids. I know that so many of you love our daughter, think about her often, and have held her close to your hearts and held her in your prayers. I hate that I have not been able to update here on a regular basis, and that many of you have been left to wonder and hope. That was never my intention. The reality of bringing this sweet girl home and into our lives was very different then I thought it would be, and our lives have just continued to grow in busyness since then. Not an excuse, just honestly about who we are and where we are in our lives right now. K has also had the experience of becoming a big sister to a baby recently, as we are now fostering a 3 month old baby with microcephaly. Never a dull moment here, and apparently this Momma never plans on sleeping again.... ;)

I do hope to post again soon. And it is my full intention to have all of our thank you cards/bookmarks etc our to everyone by early December at the latest. Thank you for all of your patience and understanding. Much love and many blessings to all of you ooxooxooxooxoo :)

Beamish Family Sept. 2011

Smallest Post Ever

2011-06-22T02:15:00.000-04:00

One year ago today we emailed RR to let them know that we had found our daughter waiting for us on their web site, and that it was our full intention to go and get her, and bring her home.

Wow, a whole year!!! Funny how the time goes so fast and so slow at the same time.

I am SO sorry that I haven't updated here is such a very long time. I spent hours and hours while we were in region fighting with the internet trying to get updates for everyone to read. My husband finally helped me put it all into perspective, and I stopped crying, yelling, and shaking the computer, while sitting outside in the dark at all hours of the night. I had fully intended to get things updated when we returned to the capital city, but the 4 + weeks away from home and a new 6 yr old daughter took more of a toll on my energy and time then I had anticipated.

Since we have been home things have been good, bad, wonderful, and defiantly overwhelming for all of us. About a week after we got home (which went by WAY too fast) my parents left for their month long European excursion that they had been planning for a very long time. Great for them, not as good for us. With them gone, that left Mike to run the company, and me home alone most of the time with the girls.

I will defiantly write many more updates soon, and add photos, but for the moment I will say....

I love our new little girl SO very much
I believe that our little girl loves all of us too
For the most part K's integration into our family has been pretty seamless. There was a whole where she belonged, and now she's in it
Adding a mobile 6 yr old is more difficult then adding a non mobile 6 yr old
Bringing a 6 yr old into your family is MUCH more difficult then a baby
This is much more difficult then I ever expected it to be, but I can't always put my finger on exactly what it is that I find difficult
I spend much more time then I ever expected second and triple guessing what the right thing is to do, in terms of EVERYTHING. I have never had so little faith in my parenting abilities.
a 2 yr old can be an awesome teacher to their cousins, and will actually HOLD hands when you ask them too
We are very much looking forward to our summer
I hate that we had to leave so many children behind
the internet holds such great resources and support, but it's too bad that you have to be able to get on line to access it.

List of winners

2011-04-10T06:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, I have FINALLY been able to complete all of the draws for our final fundraiser!!!! If you are a winner of ANYTHING, please email me at sara_beamish@hotmail.com, so that I can keep track of your email address and make arrangments to get your prize to you. Please bear with me a little longer, as I get the list together with email addresses for the free pendents from Sarah's Treasure Box.

A huge congrats to the one and only Mrs. Renee Tam for winning the iPad !!!!!!!

Okay, so here is the recap of winners.

Daily Draw - Set of 4 custom bookmarks

March 16th - Renee Tam
March 17th - Luba Bowden
March 18th - Renee Tam
March 19th - Sarah White
March 20th - Cammy Lockwood
March 21st - Susan Sunderlin
March 22nd - Katherine Parker
March 23rd - Theresa Smith
March 24th - Alicia Fanz
March 25th - Nicole Arigo
March 26th - Chris Rengent

Goals Reached - $25 gift card

$500 - Renee Tam - Donated money back to fund :)
$1000 - Cammy Lockwood
$2000 - Susan Sunderlin
$4000 - Melissa Moos - Donated money back to fund :)
$8000 - Stefanie Senkiw
$16000 - Eric Hanchett

End of Weeks - $10 gift card

March 21st - Cammy Lockwood
March 26th - Luba Bowden

Most Shared - $30 gift card

Renee Tam

Large Draw Prizes

iPad - Renee Tam

Turbo Jam Video - Melissa Moos

Shaun T's Fit Kids Club Video - Margert Green

Tutu Dress - Steven Schlesinger

Darling Royal Doulton Figurine - Brian Jones

Blankie Boo - Susan Blatt

Mary Kay Tote - Chris LaMar

Mary Kay Clutch - Nicole Butcher

Scentsy Buddy - Theresa Smith

Congratulations to all of the winners!!!!!

We really want to thank everyone so much for every penny of support that we have received, every prayer that has been thought or spoken for us, every good though and good wish that people have spared for us. With out each and every one of you, we would not be sitting here in Easter Europe, bonding with and loving on this amazing little girl, who has been missing from our lives for so long. And who know how much longer she would have stayed sitting here waiting for a family of her own, under estimated and under loved. You have all been a part of our miracle, of putting our family together. The words just don't seem enough, and the prizes are just material things to add interest, fun and encouragment. Please know that for every donation, and each comment, note, email, yahoo post, phone call, in person converstaion, etc we have thanked you, and sent you love and blessings.

Since here the internet has not been as cooperative as I hoped it would be, and K has been slightly more wild then I though she would be. Please know that if it takes me another 2 years or longer, I will respond to all of you, and that each of you hold a special place in my heart.

Our sick girl - April 7, 2011

2011-04-08T17:03:00.000-04:00

This morning’s visit went well. We played in the little area outside of her groupa’s main living space, where they get ready to go outside. We found some little ride on toys that the girls had fun on, even though they are both WAY too big for them. K did get a little silly a few times and opened the door to yell something at her group and then slammed the door in a little ones face. Well, that only happened once, she did go for the door a few more times, but we were faster after the first incident.

During our break this afternoon Em & I accompanied Mike on his afternoon trip to the store. We decided to go looking to see if there was anything new or more in the next village down the highway, as he has already found a nice little market down that direction. We didn’t end up finding very much, and stopped as we crossed over into a different region (oblast). There was a gas station there, so we went in, to see what supplies we could get there. I was super excited to score some Nestea Iced Tea, which certainly is NOT what it would be at home, but it’s better then nothing, and it is NOT pop. We also found a Barbie Repunzle movie in an East European language…although we are not sure if it is the right one for our girl or not. We put it on for Em when we got back to our room, and it offered English as a language option!!! YEA!!! We know that we will not be able to play it on our player when we get home, but we are hoping that when we get back to the capital city that we may be able to find an external player for the computer, and a few more children’s DVDs.

K was sounding a little congested last week when we meet her, and it has been slowly progressing over the week. Now her nose has been running constantly, and she has been sneezing off and on. The good news about all of this is that she is excellent about blowing her nose on command, and has become very good at coming to us and asking to have it wiped. The bad news is that this afternoon, it turned into a fever.

We visited this afternoon in the music room again. Don’t get me wrong. I know we are lucky, and I am VERY grateful to have such a large, bright, enclosed, private place to visit with her. But man, does it ever get HOT in there! The girls are always flush and a little damp, if not out right sweating by the time we are finished in there. So when K came in a hugged me, I though she felt warm, but wasn’t sure as my hug was quick as she rushed over to see Daddy. But then Mike thought that she felt warm too.

She ripped through the bag and found the snacks as usually. As she was standing leaning on me drinking her juice I could feel that she was really starting to burn up. We weren’t sure if we should take her back to her room or not. Considering that they had just brought her down, and completely changed her since this morning’s visit, we figured that they must already know, and not be all that concerned, so we continued with our visit.

We painted the girls nails. K has obviously had this done before, as she sat very still and straight and displayed her fingers for me. She colored and ran around. But as she started to run towards things that she is not supposed to, such as the piano, she didn’t seem to have as much enthusiasm as she normally does. When we told her “No”, she would stop, kind of turn, and half smile. I picked her up and we twirl danced back into the middle of the room, away from all of the “no” items. When I put her down she asked to be picked back up. She snuggled her little hot head into my shoulder and neck, and we danced most of the rest of the visit away. For a while I had her lying in my arms across my chest like a baby, and we just stared at each other while I sang what ever song was playing on the radio and we danced. She fought off sleep the entire time. I loved having her calm and happy in my arms. Feeling like I was able to help her feel better and happy. I think she really enjoyed it too. I was so happy to see that she was more then happy to keep such intense eye contact for so long.

I have no idea what they normally do for fevers, but I know that it’s not the same as what I would do. We sure hope that she is feeling better tomorrow!!!!

Photos to come

The Therapy Room - April 6, 2011

2011-04-08T17:01:00.000-04:00

Each time that we arrive at the orphanage we are supposed to attempt to check in with the director, and if she isn’t here, then we are to check in with the on duty nurse (whose office is directly across the hall from the directors). Often there is no one in either office, and we stand and wait for someone to come along and say “Dobre den. K?”, and then they will take us to where ever we will visit this time, and then they go and let the groups know that we are there, and someone will bring K to us.

Today we actually got to see the director, and she is the one who took us up to the music room. The director also brought K back to us, with all of her outdoor clothing. So, we bundled her up and we headed outside for our visit. We all had fun playing. Their playgroup equipment is in pretty poor shape. I wish we could do something to fix it up for them, but I wonder if that would be worth it or not when they have so many other needs, and this facility is scheduled to close…..

As it got closer to the time to take her back in for lunch, we started to walk around to the front of the building. We saw that her groupa was all outside, so we played a little more, as we can’t take her back until they are all inside. We went over to the gazebo, and the children came up to the garden swing. The caregivers loaded all of the children on to the swing and were swinging them there. K kept yelling something at them, and a few of them would yell back to her. She was very silly and lovey, showing off her Momma to her group. She would crawl into the gazebo, and then leap out into my arms and burry her head into my neck looking for tons of silly kisses and snuggles, and then she would do it again, and again….

When it was time to go in, we walked in with the groupa. One of the caregivers attempted to talk with me. She asked me how we were liking Ukraine, where we were from, and how we were liking K. She said “How you are liking K? Like? Love?” She completely hit something, because I started to cry and couldn’t answer right away. I thumped my hand over my heart a few times, and managed to say “Love, love, love”. She smiled at me, and seemed very relived and happy to hear that.

As I was about to go, the caregiver got my attention again and said “You buy Pampers. Thank you, THANK you. Thank you. Pampers, big problem.” I smiled at her and said your welcome, in their language, and then told her that we will bring more.

During our orphanage break, we walked around the grounds where we are staying. We feed the swans, and visited each of the gazebos at Em’s request. Such a beautiful place this is, and such a perfect time of year to be here. I love watching all of the trees and flowers burst open and grow.

When we arrived this afternoon, there was a new lady in the nurse’s office. She took us up to the hall in front of K’s room, and had us wait. Then she came out with K, and led us all downstairs. So strange, and we had NO idea where we were going. She took us to an area that we had never been to before, and then, we were in the therapy room. It was GREAT! It was so nice to be somewhere different, with different activities to do. In a room that is meant for running, jumping, and a little silliness. It was also good to see that K had obviously been in here before, and she was eager to show off her skills. Climbing the wooden ladder, walking the balance beam, throwing the balls, putting on boxing gloves….oh my. We had tons of fun in the therapy room. I hope that we get to play in there again one day. The change of scenery and variety of activities was GREATLY appreciated.

Photos to come

Inside to toady - April 5, 2011

2011-04-08T16:59:00.000-04:00

This morning we brought the water color painting books with us. WOW! Did they ever go over well. I picked them up at the dollar store for a buck each and a pack of paint brushes for the same. I wish I had of brought 10 more books like this. Both of the girls loved it. I can’t believe how long they sat there quietly painting away.

I can’t believe how much K loves to color and paint. I am so excited to get her home and start her on the curriculum programs that I have for her. Em wasn’t all that interested in much of it, but all of it seems to be exactly what K likes to do, and hopefully I will get a good response from her with it.

For this afternoon’s visit K was all fancy. Dressed in the super pretty pink outfit she was wearing when we first meet her, and her hair done up to the extreme.

We took play dough with us for this visit. We had been debating if it was a good idea of not, as we were both sure that K would eat it, or at least try to. But Em has been bugging to take it, she LOVES it, and so we did. We were utterly impressed that K did not once even pretend to put it in her mouth. She did hold it and squeeze it once, and she played with the animals that Mike made it into. I could see that she wasn’t much interested in having it smush through her fingers….possible sensory issue. She was disappointed that we didn’t bring the painting back, so we will need to remember that…

Her black eyes and bump on her head are getting better. I can’t wait for them to be fully healed.

Photos to come

Outside, finally!!!! Monday, April 4, 2011

2011-04-08T16:57:00.000-04:00

Only Em & I went up to the orphanage for this morning’s visit. Mike went into town with our facilitator. She is returning to the capital city today, and he is getting us some supplies to hopefully last us until she returns. She has left her travel kettle with us, so we will be able to make tea, coffee, and instant oatmeal in our room.

Our visit was a little nuts, and I won‘t send one of us there with both girls again. They colored and ran around like the silly, crazy little girls they are. But it is hard to give the attention to both with such strong jealousy. Also Em doesn’t understand why we can’t just pick up and go to the bathroom whenever, and other things like that. We made it through though, and all is well. I wonder what K really thinks about all of this. Is she really happy to be coming and spending all of her time with us, or does she miss being with her groupa, and whatever it is that they are doing? She is always excited when she comes into the room and sees that we are here, again. But is that because she likes the snacks that we provide, or does she get that we are so much more then that? I guess only time will tell.

Before our facilitator left, we had her ask if we would be able to K outside for some of our visits. As it has been about 5 days now, and she has not been out once since she has meet us. So when they brought her too us for the afternoon visit, I returned with her to the room, with a peace offering of diapers that Mike had picked up in town, and asked if we could take her outside. The caregiver swept her away and got her ready, and returned her dressed for the winter. We must look so foolish to them with how underdressed they must think we are. But we got to take her outside!!!

Oh, how nice to be out in the fresh air. New place to be, new things to do. We sat in the nice gazebo and had snack, and colored for a while. Then we played on the garden swing. We blew bubbles. We got to see how unsteady K is on the uneven lawn; she fell more then a few times. And we wandered around, trying to not interfere with the groupas who were outside. I am assuming that the take the swings down for the winter, as everything is metal, but regardless of where they are, they were not on the equipment. The girls went on the seesaw for a while, and then climbed the stair to what was once a slide, and jumped into my arms. They found it to be much fun, but I eventually had to stop them. So we went back to the gazebo and colored some more. The book Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? has replaced the photo album as K’s favourite item in the back pack. It’s great!!! She tries to say the colors and the animals, and we all have fun making the animal sounds.

Photos to come

Day 2, 3, & 4, and a summary so far

2011-04-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. I promised updates, everyday. But I did say that was internet permitting. And the internet has NOT been all that permitting, let me tell you. I completely take my internet at home for granted. Along with a few other things… like being able to cook for ourselves. Also, having the computer to myself, for the most part. Em’s DVD player has broken, and so I am sharing the computer with her so she can watch a movie before bed. This new bedtime routine has got her going to bed only 2 hours later then normal, instead of the 4 hours that it had been. She is now sleeping through the night.

Our complaints are small, and things here are SO much better then we had ever anticipated them being, which I think helps a lot. The food at the restaurant is very good, and I am eating better then I ever expected to. Many of you would be impressed, and outright shocked ;p The staff here are great, and although they do not speak English, they go out of their way to try to make us happy. We have been told that they will attempt to cook us anything we’d like. We haven’t really gone there yet, but I’m hoping that they are serious about that, and that when our facilitator comes back that we will perhaps be able to explain to them how and what grilled cheese is, and French toast, so that Em can eat something that is more then fruit and nuts and cereal. Grilled cheese is sounding pretty good to me too.

There is a small stray dog that lives here. I had drilled it into Em to not touch any of the animals, knowing that a plane ride to a different country for rabies shots has been all too real for an RR family this past year. But our facilitator feed this small dog some bread when she was feeding the swans. So Em feed the dog some bread, and so on. I kept giving Mike & Em trouble for feeding the dog - who know follows us everywhere and sits outside our door barking at all hours. BUT, I have to sit outside at night to get on line, and our little dog sits with me. He growls and barks at any one, thing, and sound. He freaks me out a little, but I still feel safer with him alerting me to what could be in the woods directly behind me. So at the end of the night, when I am coming in to bed, I now feed the dog a piece of bread. The barking is annoying, but last night I discovered that it is because he is protecting us, so it’s not as bad. Whenever a car drives up the back driveway, by our walkway, he runs to the stairs and take a defensive pose and barks and growls to make sure no one is coming up this way. Now I’m sure he’d let them by it they feed him, but still it’s nice to know he watching out for us. Although I think it is important to say now that we do not need the dog, and that we DO feel safe here.

For our visits on day 2 - 4, they were all pretty much the same. We met with K in the orphanage music room twice per day. She does back and forth between coloring, looking at her photo album, and running around. She greatly enjoys her snack, and we are careful to control how much she puts in her mouth at once. The 9 oz cup full of juice goes very quickly, and I’m sure she would be happy if there were 3 more of them. They have these huge foam blocks in the room that we have been stacking and knocking down. It would be fun to try to build something with them one day, but the girls run at them right now, so that won’t be any time soon. The other day they just got so crazy. Em got whinny, and K was just into everything that she’s not supposed to be. We set up a bunch of the blocks in sets of two, and I just kept skipping around them in a circle, singing a “lalalalalalalala” song. It worked! Quickly I had both of their attention. Neither one really seemed all of that interested in following, but they each picked a couple that they circles, and waited for me to pass by and tickle them on my way. I just may have to get us some of these foam blocks :)

Pictures to come

Sorry, I had them all picked out,

but everytime I go to add them, I get kicked

off of the internet, and then kicked out of blogger.

Meeting K

2011-04-01T15:21:00.000-04:00

After arriving by a 16 hour over night train, we crammed our belonging and ourselves into the back of a tiny car and drove another 45 mins to meet with the regional inspector (children's services social worker). We gave them our official referral that we received from the SDA and there were many words exchanged in a language that we do not speak. In the end, one of the ladies joined us on our journey to the orphanage, and one stayed behind (wishing us best of luck - the only thing that was translated)....as did some of our luggage so that we would all fit into the car.

We drove for an additional 20 mins or so out to the orphanage. At this point it had been over 21 hours since we had left our apartment. Emily was doing so well. We were very proud of her.

We entered into the orphanage and were seated in the director’s office...something that I have been dreaming about for years. It became very cramped, very quickly. With the 3 of us, our facilitator, the regional inspector, the director, the SLP, the doctor, the lady who does all of the paperwork for the orphanage.... We sat around the table and they read all of the information from her file to us. No surprises there, and little bit of background information.

Then we were all ushered up to the music room to wait and meet with our new little girl. Now, I was shaking a little bit, but had to laugh that Emily was so annoyed that it was taking so long.

Finally the director came into the room holding K's hand. I wasn't really sure what to do, other then throw the camera at Mike. Well Emily knew what to do, as soon as she saw her sister she yells at her, "K! Hi!" It was too funny. K looked around the room at all of the people sitting there, and the 3 of us standing awkwardly in the middle. The director said something to her, and she kind of looked at us, half smiled, looked around the room again, looked directly at me, gave me a huge smile and ran into my arms. She hugged me like she would never let go, and it was amazing. I cried, of course. She kept pulling her head back to look at me, smiling at me, and then hugging me again. I cry just thinking of it. Then someone else said something and she let me go :( But then she ran to Mike with a big smile on her face and leaped into his arms :) I don't think he could have been any happier:) She stayed there for a few seconds and came back to me for more hugs. Poor Emily was trying to get her attention, but she was only interested in us....that is until Emily arrived beside me holding a cookie for her.

She devoured the cookie, the whole time looking at me and hugging me. I'm so glad that she didn't care how bad we looked after traveling for so long to get to her. Then the orphanage staff put a stop to the hugging, they said that she just wants hugs all of the time and that we need to be firm with her. SO HARD, when we just want hugs all of the time too.

So Mike took the girls to the other side of the room to play with the giant foam blocks. I watched for awhile, and went over the medical reports and findings with our facilitator and the doctor. They told us that her coordination was off and that she falls down a lot. And that she had just fallen the day before. She is sporting a pair of black eyes and large goose eggs on her head. She did pretty well though. She was running and giggling, and kicking. She did fall over a few times, but was able to get herself back up. But she was also able to catch herself many more times.

They mentioned a few other things, such as speech delay, but we will see what come of all of that once she gets home. She reminds me of Emily a lot. She is not going to sit and listen and pay attention unless it interests her, unless it is the right time for her. The 2 of them together, are going to be something else. I can't waitJ

Our visit ended WAY too soon. She went back to her groupa, and we got in to car to do some serious paper chasing. Hours we sat and waited, but the inspector was greatly impressed by how much we had gotten done when we dropped the huge box off at her office.

We were finally done for the day, and we were able to come back to our room, unpack, breath, and go down to the restaurant for dinner. I was brave and ordered "a sandwich with bacon" and a vegetable salad. Well the bacon turned out to be ham, and a sandwich turned out to be one small piece of bread with A LOT of butter, the "bacon" and a 2 small pieces of tomato artfully displayed on it. The vegetable salad was a line of tomatoes down the one side of the plate, a line of cucumbers down the other, and a line of sour cream down the middle with onions on it. YUM! I'll have that everyday:) The sandwich was good too.

In all it was an exceptional long day. Hopefully the longest that we will have. We are SO happy to have finally had a chance to meet her, hold her, smile and be happy with her, to know where she is and who is caring for her while we can not. We love her, so very much. She is exactly who we thought she was, she is our daughter.

Sorry, we are not posting photos of her until after court. You'll just have to make due with the ones we already have, and these "teaser" shots.

Momma & K meeting for the first time

K building a castle with Daddy and Emily

Spring has sprung in Eastern Europe

2011-04-01T14:09:00.001-04:00

The weather here has been perfect - not to hot, not to cold, JUST RIGHT :-)

We have been jacketless most of the time, although this helps us to stick out like a sore thumb, as many locals are still wrapped in scarves, hats, and winter coats.

Our temporary new home is LOVELY. If we were picky, it could be a little large, have some more storage, and a kitchen area. BUT there is a restaurant here that is very reasonably priced and the food is VERY good. They are trying hard to please us too. They just offered to do our laundry for us, which is really nice and we may have to take them up on that, although I'd rather do it myself.

We just have to walk up a path behind our little house on the hill, and the orphanage is right there.

Between visits today we wandered around the grounds, enjoyed the spring, feed the swans, and picked looked at the flowers.

I should also likely comment that our internet isn't so good. So please wait a little longer. Updates will come as we get access, and photo will come as I get cooperation.

Pictures coming soon

The train

2011-04-01T13:46:00.000-04:00

So we survived the 16 hour train ride :)

We rode in second class, in the very last cart of a very long train. We had our own little space, which was nice.

We must have been on one of the newer trains, because it wasn't all that bad. When we got on it was HOT, but it cooled off through the night, and the temperature was comfortable for sleeping. They allow smoking in the hall of the train which isn't overly pleasant, but not nearly as bad as you'd think. Actually we have been hotel rooms and restaurants that allow smoking that have been MUCH worse then that train was. The bathroom was absolutely disgusting, but I find bathrooms on any vehicle to be disgusting. The real problem with that was when Emily needed to use it. I would normally have held her, but she won’t go that way because I couldn’t keep us still. So Mike took her. I have NO idea how they made it work, but I don't think I want to know.

Surprisingly enough the movement of the train didn't make me sick, so that was a huge bonus too. Emily did NOT want to sleep on the train, and we spent much of the night encouraging her to be quite as to not disturb everyone else. We could see the stars in the sky as we drove through the night, and I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get to see more of what we were driving past, but I wouldn't really want to take it in the day. Our facilitator stayed in the room next to us, it was nice to have our own space, but know that we were not alone either.

We arrived in the city right on time and our driver was waiting for us to help with our language. We crammed as much as we could into his trunk and the rest into the back seat with the 3 of us. Our facilitator sat in the front with her luggage around her. Perhaps we should have packed less, but I haven't felt like anything we packed has been a waste of space yet.

Photos to come

Headed West

2011-03-30T07:39:00.001-04:00

Okay so it's early morning for most of you, but it's mid afternoon here, and we are about to head over to the SDA to pick up K's refferel, and then over to the train station. A 16 hour train ride for us tonight. Please send us lots of love, prayer, and good wishes that it's a half decent train and that Emily will actually sleep tonight.

Before we go I wanted to share with you some photos of our apartment.

Our tiny kitchen

Our bathroom with a giant tub, and
a washing machine directly in front
of the toliet.

Love the doors to the sunporch!

The bedroom
All 3 of us slept in the bed. That pipe is HOT!!

The sunporch

Our view

Our time in the city has been very quick. We didn't get to see anyone or anything really. Well, that's not ture. We did see the Dickenson family quickly as they were leaving the SDA and we were still sitting there for our appointment. We smiled and did a quick wave, but that was it. I hope that we have a little more time in the city on our way home, and that we are able to enjoy it.

We are looking forward to the next steps in this journey :-) Can't wait to share it with all of you!

Blessing for a bright and beautiful day:)

SDA Baby :)

2011-03-29T11:06:00.000-04:00

I thought that I was doing so well. I laid out all of our clothes the night before, pulled out all of the meds and vitamins and placed them in little cups so we would all be sure to take our things in the morning. Then I got up early this morning and showered before Mike and Em got up. I got dressed, saw the time and woke them up. I was surprised and how willingly Emily got up, even though she seemed to be very tired still. She let me dress her and brush out her hair without complaint. Then it started, she didn't want to eat anything we have here. She wanted Cherrios, which we had offered to buy for her at the grocery store the day before but she had pitched a fit about not wanting them and so we did not. Then Mike found out that I didn't pack him hair gel, and was a little frustrated. Well, I was finally able to convinced Emily to eat some oatmeal, and had the kettle going. I got her some orange juice, and Mike fixed his hair with my hair spray, and I decided that I'd better have something too. I poured myself some water, and took my vitamins....ya, nope! I took Mike's vitamin and blood pressure medication instead!!!! Great, not sure what to do now. I tried to make myself sick, but that didn't work, so I'm just going to have to live with it, and make sure that my blood pressure doesn't get too low.

In the middle of all of this Niko calls us, an hour early to say that he's here, we have 10 minutes. So none of us got to eat anything. Thankfully we were ready, we grabbed our bags and left. I am SO grateful for all of the blogs that I have read that had pre warned me of the "you have 5 minutes" phone calls, that have a habit of coming when you're not really expecting them too. I can't imagine what would have happened if I didn't wake the two of them up when I did. We got a tiny tour of where the restaurants of interest where, and a few other things as we drove over to the SDA for our appointment. We were so early that we had to go and sit at the Pizza restaurant and wait. We got Emily some juice, but she refused to even try it. Which was fine, because I drank it - hoping to keep my blood sugar up and not have any trouble from the unexpected meds. Man, I can't believe I did that!!!!

Then it was time. It was finally and actually time for ME us, to go into the SDA. We meet Serge, and entered the building. We of course went in through the side door, and waited in the hall, just like everyone else who has been there before us!!!! As we stood waiting, I started to feel really excited, but not nervous or jittery the way I have before, I was very calm (maybe that was the meds working for me). I was just so happy to finally be having our turn. I grabbed Mike's hand and squeezed! And said "Yay!! We're inside of the SDA!" He thinks I'm a nut;)

And then, well then, it REALLY was our turn. We got to walk up the stairs, and into an office. Our social worker, Svetlana, was very nice. We had to show her our passports so she could verify that we were us. Then she asked us to tell her about ourselves, and why we wanted to adopt a child with special needs. They told us K's name, her birth date, where she is, that her birth mother had signed over her rights (all things that we already knew). Then we got to see 2 different photos of her. The first was the photo that they have posted on their web site, except on the web site it is cropped. I was able to take a photo of this one, but mine didn't come out very clearly. The second is a photo that I've never seen before. It is adorable, AND it is now mine!!! Serge asked if we could have it before I had a chance to say anything, and it's mine:) She is SO cute!! Of course we already knew that, but still, she is! And just like that our appointment was over. No more questions, no more information, no looking at our photos that I stressed and agonized over, nothing. In total I think we were in the office for 20 mins.

Our SDA picture!!! We finally have one:)

Serge had to send Niko out to do a few things with paperwork, so he took us back over to the restaurant while we waited. We all had something to drink and Em had some ice cream. Serge told us more about the process that we are about to go though, about the region we are headed to, suggestions and advise about what to do while we are there, as well as working through the language barrier with K etc. Then Niko got back from his running around and brought us back to the apartment. On the way back we got to drive past Independence Square.

Instead of coming upstairs when we got back, we went to the grocery store instead. We picked up a few items, along with a bag of Lay's chips with the picture of a crab on them. Crazy husband of mine is determined that he needs to try these. We also picked up some pasta to make for dinner. It was our intent to go back out after we brought the food back, but Emily needed a break and I started working on these updates, and before we knew it lunch time was over. Mike made me a super yummy grilled cheese sandwich and that was lunch. He and Emily went out for a little walk to pick up some more water. We have now had dinner and are settling down to get Emily ready for bed.

Tomorrow Niko will pick us up by 4 pm. We can pick up K's official referral paperwork sometime between 4 & 5. Ludmilla has already ordered the train tickets for us, and she will be accompanying us by over night train to K's region. It is VERY likely that you will not get an update from us at all tomorrow, as we will be packing and traveling. On Thursday we will have MUCH running around to do, and we should get to meet our little girl:) I'm not sure when we will have internet or how good it will be, but you can be sure that I WILL post just as soon as I can!!!!

Getting Here!

2011-03-29T10:21:00.000-04:00

What a crazy day Sunday was. I didn't sleep at all on Saturday night. Come Sunday morning I still had so much to do!!! At no point in time did any of what was happening feel real. I can tell you that around 2 am, I did start freaking out though, and couldn't stop shaking. Come 3 pm we were all ready to go. My Mum was at our house ready to drive us to the airport, our bags were packed and in the car.... There was nothing else but to go.

We got through all of the check points at Pearson quickly and easily. The hardest, longest part was when we took the portable DVD player from Emily's bag and put it with the rest of the stuff, she thought that we were getting rid of it and started crying. Then she wouldn't walk through the metal detector. Finally the man said "Mame, just pick her up and carry her through" And so we did. She enjoyed seeing the planes through the windows, and chatted happily with anyone who would talk to her. We got something to eat for dinner, which was HORRIBLE, and went to sit and wait to board. There was no room to sit close to our boarding area so we were sitting over and away. When the lady started talking over the load speaker, we got up and walked to the boarding area. Many other people got up as well. This started a little bit of chaos in the woman's life, as she just wanted to review some things with everyone, and was not ready to board anybody yet. She kept yelling at everyone to have a seat, and never did review anything. When she got up again to start boarding people, everyone kind of ran at her, and again she got very flustered with everyone. She wanted only people who needed assistance and people with little ones. This seemed to confuse many people, so we slipped past and were the first one's on the plane. Emily was super excited but didn't realize that we were already on the plane. She hoped right up into her seat and put her seatbelt on. She did all right during the flight. As she got more tired she became more restless, and in true Emily style did NOT want to go to sleep, because she was not in HER bed. She wanted the plane to turn around and take us home. There were many tears, and I felt bad for her. She eventually fell asleep on me and we were able to lay her out between the two of us. They woke the plane up at about 2 am and served breakfast, I got her up at that time too. We had a sweet little monkey in sitting in front of us, who reminded me SO much of Nicole. She kept trying to climb over the seat to talk with us. She and Emily had some fun being silly together. As for the plane and the airline, we would defiantly fly them again! They were friendly enough (other then the crazy woman at the boarding gate), we felt safe (well as safe as you can when you are flying over the ocean), and they were constantly serving us something, juice/wine, dinner, tea/coffee, water, juice, breakfast, tea/coffee. The food wasn't all that bad...not that I really ate anything.

Everyone impressed with their dinner?

Yep, that's our plane!!!

Silly girl crawling on the floor

Yes, this is how she slept

The plane landed yesterday on time. We got off of the plane on the tarmac and took a bus (with out seats) into the airport. We walked in, got in line behind one other person and gave the lady our passports. She asked us where we were staying, and seemed a little annoyed with us that we didn't know. She stamped them and waved us on. We walked through the doors, grabbed a luggage cart and found where ours was coming out. It took us a minute to figure out if we should follow the green or red arrows for customs, but everyone was following the green so we did too. We got in line to put our stuff up on the conveyer belt for the x-ray and the lady waved us through. We went through the doors and Niko was standing there with our name clipped to the front of his jacket waiting for us. We changed money at the airport. I knew that we would do it right away, but was not expecting that, and had to dig into the money belt to find some cash. Niko also bought us minutes for the cell phone while we were at the airport. In the car we received our cell phone and a run down of the next day, and the plans that he knew so far for our adoption. As we drove into the city, he pointed out places of interest and history. He took us to the grocery store that is near our apartment and helped us to buy some items. He showed us where to go should we want to walk to the grocery store again later. We arrived at our apartment and he wrote down our address for us, in English and Russian. He gave us verbal directions to get to TGI Friday's, the Ukrainian Buffet, and the Mandarin grocery plaza. Then, we paid him and he left. We put the groceries away, and took a nap. When we woke up we just went through some of the bags and got settled in better.

The cleaning lady had been finishing up as we arrived and had left a load of laundry going. I thought that I would be helpful and hang the stuff to dry....and the clothes shocked me! I don't know what was going on, but it happened twice, so we unplugged the washing machine!!!!! It's unfortunate as I was hoping to do a load of laundry before we leave as I was hoping to do a load of laundry before we leave for our region, as our jackets all ended up on the floor of the plane, and look like it.

It took Emily a long time to fall asleep again last night, as it wasn't her bed. She wanted Grandma to drive her car over here and get us. I tried hard to stay up so that I could get a blog post done, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I Skyped my mom and asked her to send out the email letting people know that we went to bed, and would update today. I had a horrible time sleeping as the alarm clock we brought doesn't work, and I was terrified that we would over sleep. SDA in the morning!!!!!!!!!!

The LOVE!

2011-03-26T02:37:00.000-04:00

CAN ALL OF YOU FEEL IT?!!! Seriously? Can you? Cause, boy oh boy, we ARE feeling it here, let me tell you!

We tried to get out of the house early today to start our running around, but had a late start. We had to go to downtown Toronto today. That, was not so much fun. We drove around for way to long trying to find parking, paid too much for parking. Ah....the story of heading into the city. By the time we got to the office it was almost 4 pm. I couldn't believe what I found when I tried to quickly check my email. Blog comments like crazy, facebook notifications galore, and email from Renee with exclamation marks on it. I knew that Adeye was going to write a post about us today. She had asked me for our story, poor woman -I'm sorry Adeye I promise that was me trying to keep it short! I had NO idea that the post was going to be only about us, and that she was going to offer added incentive by way of a pretty new Kindle. When I clicked on her blog and saw how she honoured Kameron and my family I didn't know what to do. I jumped up hitting my knee and elbow, while gasping loudly. Or was it loudly, did I even have a voice in my shock?

And then I saw the ChipIn.... I think my heart stopped! There was a little under $2000 added since I had left. $2000 blessed upon us for our little girl, from all of you. All of a sudden I couldn't breath, I thought that it was unbelievable.

Then we got home and I logged in to everything. In less then a hour the ChipIn had JUMPED, there were more emails, facebook was crazy, and not normal crazy, REALLY crazy. Right away I was IMing with 4 different people, and that continued until I logged off after midnight. The grand total for today? We raised $6064 to get Kameron HOME!

All night I have been sitting here in shock. Every donation that comes in causes me to jump and gasp. I am shocked and honoured by each one!!! We are SO close to being fully funded at this very moment. A place that I have hoped to be, but at time REALLY wondered if we would get here or not. I am so happy that many of you have sent me emails, I've tried to reply, however quick and brief they may be, to all of them. How do you thank someone for giving your child their life, their dreams, their family? How do we thank you for helping us to get our daughter? My heart is overflowing, and I can feel the love and support surround us and carry us forward. My poor husband has never seen anything like this before and had NO idea that such miracles exist. Well, he certainly knows it now :)

We have been blessed in SO many ways today. Opening Mike's eyes to the world of community support, and love. Showing him not only that miracles can happen, but that they can happen to US. Reminding me that asking for help is okay, that some things are bigger then one person, and some things are bigger then your pride (..my pride..). Showing our girls that this world is full of love and good, and that this love and good is there for them. Reminding me of the all important lesson of mine in this life, that I can not control everything, and that I must give up my attempt to control everything all of the time.

I am so sorry that I don't have the words that I wish I did to express how we are feeling, to share with you the gratitude that we feel. To share just how appreciative we actually are. It is VERY late, I am VERY tired, but couldn't go to bed without posting. So...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

The daily winner today is

Nicole Arigo

And the winner for reaching our $8000 goal is,

# 44 Stefanie Senkiw

Love and Blessing to each of you. Go forth in perfect love and prefect trust :)

The Bestest Day EVER!!!

2011-03-25T02:36:00.000-04:00

Um, WOW!!! Today was seriously one of the best days ever!!! I had NO idea how much a few things were stressing me out, until they disappeared today.

In reality, we are pretty private people. We have our family, and a few close friends who we consider family, and that is who we spend our time with and live our lives with. We aren't, what I would call, very social. Even though we live in a small town, where everyone knows everyone, I goes months going to the grocery store, pharmacy, department store etc on a regular basis and not running into anyone I know.

When our oldest daughter passed away 19 months ago, we were so touched and overwhelmed by the outpouring of love. Our hearts soared to see how many people came out to pay their respects, to see how many people's hearts our special angel had touched. It defiantly helped us through, to know that when she was here, that she had life. That she was loved as much as she loved. That she brought happiness, with her happiness. And not just to us, to everyone she touched. Which turned out was more people then we even knew. Destiny's life reached out and touched the world around her. Her love knew no boundaries.

Now we sit here mere days away from our new daughter, faced with an obstacle, that if we allowed, could take her away from us. And here we stand, a second time in our lives, completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for our soon to be daughter. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect there to be days like we have had the last few days. I NEVER thought that we would fundraiser for our adoption. I NEVER thought that we would be denied for all of the credit options that we applied for and were sure that we would get. I NEVER thought that we would not receive the Canadian grant. I NEVER thought that our early fundraisers would flop SO hard. I NEVER thought that we would be 2 weeks from leaving to meet K, and be short so much money. I NEVER thought that I would actually beg people to help me do anything, ever (unless you are my little sister, sorry Rox!). I NEVER thought that I would allow the sadness and despair to hit me. I DIDN"T realize that we had so many people out there ready to surround us with their love and support. I DIDN'T realize that when you ask for help, there are people willing to help, without strings and judgment. I DIDN"T realize that our little girl has made such an impact on so many people, and is loved by so many. I DIDN'T realize that we were so loved by so many. I also had NO idea how much I was holding on to, and how much I needed to let go of.

Renee gave me the day off today. She told me not to worry about anything. To turn my computer off, not think about it, or stress out about it, and to go and get the other things done that I need to do before we leave. She assured me that she would take care of everything. She spent the day re posting our fundraiser. Tracking down people who shared it and letting them know how much we appreciate their help. She has completely and selflessly given herself over to help us get our daughter home. And she has inspired so many others to help. I'm not sure that I even know exactly what and who is being offered out as part of our giveaway for today ;p Well, I come back from my day off feeling much more at peace with everything. I am excited and terrified of our upcoming trip, but all of it in a good way. I have been able to find my balance and inner knowledge that we are on the right path, and that what ever needs to happen to unite us with our daughter will happen. I have abolished all doubt and poison from my heart and mind, and go forward in perfect trust.

Today was also a completely awesome fundraising day for us. Which did help with some of the above. We are left speechless, unsure or exactly how to adequately thank everyone who has pulled together for us. Please know that we greatly appreciate each and everyone of you, and I would like to personally thank each of you as well. Please do NOT hesitate to leave me a message in the comments or email me sara_beamish@hotmail.com and let me know that you're out there. The thank yous will be slow, but they will come. I find that when you write to many at once they all start to sound the same, and although it is the first time the recipient is reading it, you lose heart for it. So I will do them slowly, as to thank each of you in a way that means something to me and you (hopefully). We received 49 donations today, totalling $2877.30. Which brings our total raised to $7274. Which leaves us with a total of $8726 to raise!! We are almost half way there!!!

Please bear with all of us, as we figure out which incentive you qualify for and we get our name and email address to all of the involved parties. Please remember that if you donate to our FSP directly, you MUST email or comment me your email address. I will only be able to get your name and amount from the FSP - NO email or mailing addresses!!!!!!

Your daily draw winner is....

# 1638 Allen Cox

Melissa Moos, winner of the gift card for the draw in celebration of reaching our $4000 goal, has graciously donated her winnings back to Kameron's fund.

Thank you Melissa!!!!!!!!!!

Pendants, pendants, everywhere!!!

2011-03-24T11:33:00.000-04:00

Most of you know Sarah Latello of Sarah's Treasure Box. She hosted a fundraiser on her etsy shop for us (as she does for many adopting families) and we were able to raised $285 back in February with her help :)

And she wants to offer her help to us again, so that we can raise more. She wants to help do what ever we need to do to get our little girl home.

She just messaged me and said....

"...For 24 hours I will give a FREE pendant to the first 50 people that donate $25 or more."

She also said...

"...I can't stand by and watch, I want to be part of this miracle!"

How wonderful and awesome is Sarah!!!!!?

SO, that means that the next 50 people to donate $25 or more will recieve a FREE pendant from Sarah's store. If you donate directly to our FSP and not through our ChipIn, please be sure to leave me a comment with your email address so you can claim your necklace.

Where to start?

2011-03-24T02:41:00.000-04:00

Truth? Honesty? Ya, I think I've promised those things here before. And I deliver, I'm honest with you. I may not share all that is on my heart, but what I do share is the truth. So here's a little more of it for you.

I have been sobbing my hart out since yesterday. That lovely lady Renee, she wrote a blog post sharing her heart, and she could have been reading my mind. It complete crack through every wall I've put up in my attempt to stay positive, in my attempt to have unwavering faith that our needs would be meet someway somehow.... I started crying, and I couldn't stop. Well, that's not entirely true... After about an hour and a half or so I stopped. An odd tear may have leaked out, but the sobbing had stopped. At some point I got a little bit of sleep. Then I woke up, and it started all over again. My poor husband just wanted to know what was wrong so we could fix it, but I couldn't put it all into words. And the truth is, that I wasn't even sure where all of it was coming from.

We had to go out again today. I took the opportunity to sit and stare blankly at the wall at the office while my daughter pawed through all of Grandma's books. It was a nice couple of minutes with no thoughts. When I got home, I thought that I was feeling better. That I was done with the sadness, and ready to climb back into trying my hardest to stay positive and keep the faith. I was absolutely stunned when I got home. Beautiful messages of love and support from all forums, so many people sharing our need and our story on facebook, people writing blog posts for us, and people donating. Well, it was a lot for this fragile hart to take, the tears started again. And it has taken even longer to get them to stop this time, because everywhere I look, there's my little girl's beautiful face looking back at me. I am SO touched and honoured that our story is being heard and told. That we are amassing an army of support behind us to get Kameron home (I can't wait to share her name with all of you!!). I believe in fate, destiny, faith, affirmations, karma, and divine intervention, as well as divine discontent. And I believe that is will all work out.

Thank you to each and every one of you!!! PLEASE email me or comment if you have shared on you blog. I want to print these out for K's memory box. Beautiful memories of how our community has pulled together to show this one little girl just how much she means and to how many people. And, I'd like to have the chance to thank each of you personally and properly when I have a chance to go through them all and do so.

SO....today we finally reached and surpassed the $4000 goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what's more, we raised $1107 today! Remember just yesterday I said that we had raised $668, and that it was the most we had ever raised in one day? I'd have to say that the army is working ;p Please keep sharing, and please stay a join us on our trip. We do leave on Sunday! Our next step in the fundraising goal is to double that $4000 and make it say $8000. Keep your eye on the thermometer at the top of the blog. Some people donate directly into our FSP, so I keep track of how much money we have raised through the ChipIn, FSP and cash on the thermometer. So yes, anyone who has been wondering. If you donate directly through the FSP, I receive it, I know about it, and it DOES count toward all of the draws :)

And without further ado, the daily draw winner is

# 954 Alicia Fanz

And the winner draw for having reached our $4 000 goal is

# 780 Melissa Moos

Inching closer and closer....

2011-03-23T00:44:00.000-04:00

Another day has come to an end, and what a day it has been. We are still struggling to reach the next goal in our fundraiser to bring our little girl home. I will not lie, at some points it starts to feel as if this may be an impossible goal. But today, we were blessed by $668 of donations. The most money we have EVER received in a single day! And that my friends, is exciting :) Thank you to everyone who has made any of this possible. All of you who pray for us, surround us with love and light, everyone who had donated, and all of you who share our story and our need to help us to reach our goal, and our daughter.

In our countdown to getting ready to go and meet with our adorable Miss K, we went shopping again today to get something for Daddy to wear to court, and a few other little things, like K's very own hairbrush :) And now I can finish packing our bags! That is exciting too!!

Before I announce today's winners I wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that we are certainly not the only ones trying to raise money to bring our daughter home.

This is my beautiful friend Renee,

Renee and her husband are currently doing EVERYTHING they possibly can to get their little girl home. In the day when everyone is offering an iPad, Renee has something different going on. She has a stunning collection of jewlery up on her blog that you can earn some chances to win, by donated to help Paisley get home. But she has offered up a little bit of FUN to her fundraiser! She has an awesome band of friends who have surrounded her to help her along with the fun. Renee, one of her friends Kim, and her husband have all taken pies to the face, to celebrate reaching goals along the way. Another friend of her's, Michelle, has dyed her hair HOT PINK to celebrate another notch in the fundraiser goal. And if they can raise $2000 by Saturday, then all 3 of the ladies husbands will be going out for dinner......IN DRAG :) Now that folks, is love and devotion!!!!!! PLEASE stop over to Renee's blog and take a look. Consider helping them to reach their goal, they only have $580 left to raise. Come and follow along on their journey to their daughter. Renee has the biggest heart, and I love her to pieces. I can't wait to see her with her beautiful, beautiful girl in her arms..... PAISLEY

And today’s daily draw winner is,

# 791 Theresa Smith

Congratulations Theresa, please email me at sara_beamish@hotmail.com

The begining of the end...

2011-03-22T01:51:00.000-04:00

Awe Monday.... The day that so many people wish just wouldn't come. The end of the weekend, the beginning of the new week, and all that it entails. For us, today, this was the last Monday that we have before we leave. But it's more then that, this was also the last Monday that we will ever have at this house as a family of 3. This is the last week that we will ever have as a family of 3. For the next few weeks we will be a family of 3 1/2, with a little girls firmly apart of our lives, spending time with her, our days and lives revolving around her, before she can become permanently and officially a part of our family. And we become 4.

When this point in our lives came and we were expecting the birth of a child any day now, we were busy, but it was so different. There was this tiny little thing, constantly reminding me that they were on their way, and with wicked "morning" sickness all through out the early stages (both times), that reminder seemed to have been there right from day one. Then, we were going out for our last "date" together before the new baby came. We were stealing quite moments, and trying to get extra sleep. It was such a calm busy in comparison.

This time everything is SO different! This time I am begging for help to bring our daughter home, instead of being honoured by family and friends at a baby shower. This time round we are stressing about what it will be like to travel to the other side of the world, we have only traveled Canada and the US, and then still not very much. We are worried about all of the unknown, and for feeling like I know all there is to know that I can know, there is still SO much that I don't know. And we are preparing... There is SO much to do still!!!

Today we went out. We went and purchased our travel medical insurance, money belts, and travel electrical adaptors, ops, another almost $400 that for whatever reason we hadn't budgeted for! We were also able to get K a very nice, lined, spring jacket. I thought that we would also be able to grab a little extra cash to add to our adoption fund, by returning a couple of items, but alas, no. We were given store credit.... I hate when stores do that. It certainly makes you think twice before buying! Okay, maybe a little off the point there... OH!!!! We got the most important item today! I let our little one pick out a special little snugly to give to her new sister when they meet. We stopped at a display of small soft teddy bears, which all had saying across their tummies. She kept handing them to me asking what they said, and I read them to her over and over again. She picked a purple one that says "I Love My Sister". How cute is that!!! I couldn't stop looking down at her and smiling while we went through the check out and she handed it to the lady and said "I buy this to give to K, cause I love her and she's going to be my sister" She is so excited too:) I've almost finished packing. I have my list of things that we still need, and we are going shopping for them tomorrow evening, so I can finish packing Tuesday night or Wednesday.

Okay, it's getting late, and I'm rereading and editing because thing are making less and less sense... SO, we will move along to the winners for today, and the goals for tomorrow:)

The daily winner for Monday is.....

#565 Katherine Parker

The winner of the Week end draw is......

#170 Cammy Lockwood

Congratulations ladies:) Please email me, sara_beamish@hotmail.com

And our goal for tomorrow is to get up to $4 000. That's only $1 385, so very achievable:)

And we only have $ 13 385 to go, THANKS!!!!!!!

WOW! What a Sunday!

2011-03-21T01:00:00.000-04:00

We leave next Sunday!!!! Wow, I can't believe that it's finally here. Fianlly, our turn to go and meet our little girl, and bring her home! Seriously, do you know how long I've been waiting for this? SO EXCITED!!! Um...I think I've said that before ;p

So, a very wonderful happened today. Do you know already? Have you seen?

We doubled our fund, again!!!!! We ended Sunday at $2 015.30!

Wow, thank you so much to everyone who has donated, prayed, shared, thought about us, and especially to the someone who sent the extremely last minute donation that pushed us over the $2 000 mark tonight!!

I've promised many people that I would actually get some sleep tonight, so I will keep this short tonight and announce our winners.

The winner of the daily draw is,

# 341 Susan Sunderlin

The winner of the draw for reaching our $2 000 goal is,

#335 Susan Sunderlin

Yep, that Random.org for you...again! Congrats Susan, please email.

For Saturday Night

2011-03-21T00:26:00.000-04:00

I know, I know I didn't post last night. I'm sorry!

We had a great day though :)

We had our families come up for a sort of "good bye" dinner. It was great to see everyone, the day was bright and sunny, we found some tiny little snow drops in the garden.... it was a pretty great day.

I also wanted to say thank you to the beautiful and loving Mrs. Renee Tam, who gifted her win back to Kameron's coming home fund. We love you too Renee, THANKS!!!!!

Oh, and did you notice? We also reached our $1 000 goal!!!!! In one day, we doubled what we had in our grant. How great is that?!!!!

And now, for the winner of the day,

# 190 Cammy Lockwood

And now for the winner for hitting the $1 000 goal,

#254 Cammy Lockwood

Yes, all draws are courtesy of Random.org! Cammy, please email me.

5 Days Down, and a few Prizes

2011-03-19T01:12:00.000-04:00

You know what...I had a bunch of things that I wanted to say tonight, but all of a sudden I've come up blank...

So maybe it's business first. The winner of the daily draw today is....

#146 Sarah White

Congratulations Sarah :) Please contact me at sara_beamish@hotmail.com so we can figure out your bookmarks.

And early yesterday morning we reached our first dollar amount goal of $500!!! YEAH!!!! So that means that it's time for an additional draw. And the winner of the goal draw is

# 14 Renee Tam

And just so we don't forget why we are here......

I was thinking about her today. And what it will be like to meet her. Will she be happy that WE are there for her? Will she be receptive to us? Will the girls get along? Will I scare her half to death at our first meeting because I finally lose it and become hysterical? Will she be the little girl who we are been told about, or will she have changed that much over the last year, and since her transfer? And about ten million other thoughts to go with all of them.

This is what one of the families who have meet her had to say about her 15 months ago:

"K is another. She does not have DS, but has some other needs. She is so very happy ALL the time and walks around with a smile on her face...a HUGE smile...all the time. I would say she is the most interested in my attention and loves to come and get hugs. Whenever we come to get A, she is always at the door calling to us as Mama and Papa...so hard knowing that we will be leaving and we aren't going to take her with us. Will her heart be broken? Will a family come for her? ...... She is such a precious little girl. She is all joy and smiles all the time and gets along well with all the other kids. She just wants to be loved, that's it. She wants the other kids to love her, the caretakers, and us. Love. K will be such a sweet addition to whoever brings her home."

Well, I'm sure that I meant to share something else this evening, or should I say this early morning.... But I really think that my brain is screaming out for sleep, so that is where I will head.

Blessing to each of you :)

Scentsy Fundraiser, revised

2011-03-18T10:57:00.001-04:00

I was shocked and touched when Ann Gladhart contacted me today and invited us to have a Scentsy Fundraiser with her.

For those of you who do not know, Scentsy sells a safe wickless alternative to scented candles. Which consist of decorative warmers designed to melt scented wax with the heat of a light bulb instead of a traditional wick and flame.

Which looks like this

and this

and even like this

and they have a ton of wonderful scents that you can chose from.

Just click

HERE

If in the US make sure the top right side has your flag showing (and that you're shopping under our party)

OR

If in Canada make sure that your flag is up (then you can just shop, don't worry about a "party")
Just click on the flag to change it

to browse through their huge selection and enjoy the convince of shopping from home.
And you'll feel good knowing that you're helping unite a little girl with her family.

Scentsy Fundraiser, this week only, ends March 25, 2011.

Our fundraiser, improved!

2011-03-18T03:10:00.022-04:00

Please read through this post again. We have kicked this fundraiser into high gear, and we've added prizes galore!!!!

Please also note that the ending date has change due to our travel arrangements.
More new prizes added 3/20/11

See this beautiful girl? That's who all of this is for, to give her a chance to have a future, and to unite her with her family. Please help this little girl to COME HOME.

6 years waiting for a family is WAY to long! Please don't hate me, but you are going to keep seeing this fundraiser until we have raised the money that we need to spring her from where she is and get her home.

And so without further ado, here it is, our huge fundraiser.

The fundraiser starts tonight, Monday, March 14, 2011 and will run until Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 12:00pm EST, or whenever we have reached our goal.

Grand Prize is

iPad 2 16GB with Wi-Fi, in your choice of Black or White

iPad details

Chances are,

$ 5 = 1 entry
$ 20 = 5 entries
$ 35 = 9 entries
$ 50 = 13 entries
$ 75 = 19 entries
$100 = 25 entries
$150 = 40 entries

Additional Prizes

Turbo Jam: 5 Rockin' Body Workouts

Donated by Johanna Back

Get down and get fit with Shaun T's Fit Kids Club workouts for kids ages 7 and up! It's all about sweat, strength, and FUN with mad awesome dance moves that keep you healthy and energized! It doesn't matter what your size or shape is—or even if you can't dance. Shaun T will teach you cool, new steps with rad music so you'll be rockin' out in no time! These workouts are so much fun, you won't even feel like they're exercise! Great for adults too ;p

Donated by Johannah Back

Authentic Royal Doulton Figurine, Darling - HN1985

Donated by Nicole Butcher

Custom made tutu dress with up to a size 4T. You can choice up to 3 different colors, or one of her existing designs. Imagine the bliss of your little princess.

Donated by Deanna Sader

Custom made "Blankie Boo". Your choice of color for your car seat or baby carrier

Donated by Kimberley Sherwood

Mary Kay Tote Bag

Velvet Mary Kay Clutch
(Clasp is slightly different, it is flat)

One Scentsy Buddy and sent of your choice.
Donated by Ann Gladhart

I know, I know, not very original, but now here's the twist!

The Prize Bonanza!!!!

Each day there will be a draw for a set of 4 beautiful custom made bookmarks.

On ~~each of the Mondays~~ ~~Monday the 21st~~ & Saturday the 26th, there will be a draw for a $10 gift card.

At the end of the fundraiser the person who has shared our fundraiser the most (you need to let me know at the end of the day how many times and where you have shared) will receive $30.

And as we reach each of the following goals there will be a draw for $25.00 gift card.

$ ~~500~~ - reached March 18th
$ ~~1 000~~ - reached March 19th
$ ~~2 000~~ - reached March 20th
$ ~~4 000~~ - reached March 23rd
$ ~~8 000~~ - reached March 25th
$16 000

So here is how it's all going to work,

To win the IPad and other Prize Items,
Each donations of $5 or more gets your name entered into the draw for the iPad, and other prize items. The more you donate, the more chances you get - see the chances chart.

Daily Draws,
Each donation made for that day gets 1 entry into the daily draw.
After you have donated, each time you share our fundraiser on your blog, fb, or twitter, you get up to 6 entries into that day's draw.

Weekly Draw,
Each donation and up to your 6 fundraising sharing per day made in that week, goes in to the weekly draw.

Goal Draws,
Anyone who has donated and/or shared (up to 6 per day) during the time it takes to reach each goal level will be entered into that goal's draw.

Biggest Sharer,
Is that even a word? Well it is for this fundraiser ;p Whoever has shared our fundraiser the most, at the end of the fundraiser will win this prize. You do NOT have to have donated to win this prize. Just help us spread the word. EVERY TIME you share our fundraiser counts for this one.

Be sure to let me know, and send me the links every time you share our fundraiser if you want to be added for any of this. Please make sure to check back each day for the draw winners. It is the responsibility of the winners to get a hold of me so that I can get their prizes to them.

And just for a little more inspiration, and so that you don't forget, here's our precious little girl again,

Please make sure that if you want to be added into the draw for sharing our fundraiser, that you let me know that you have shared. I am not able to track through everyone's Facebook and Twitter accounts and keep track on my own. You need to let me know, or it doesn't count. Sorry, and THANKS!!!!!!!

What a day!

2011-03-18T01:56:00.000-04:00

Today was a FULL day, and boy oh boy, do I ever mean FULL. For starters, I was not supposed to be on the internet today. My youngest sister was here to help me chisel through this crazy to do list that I have, and I was supposed to be getting lots of things done.

I'm starting to think that this computer is an extension of my body. Every time I close it down and think, Oh, thank goodness I done with it - I remember what I've forgotten and realize that a few of those things can't wait, and I'm back on it again.

I was on the phone and the computer all day today. Trying to finalize our flights, and trying to place our HUGE and SPECIFIC money order. And this is how it goes...

First you need to know that when you travel to K's country to adopt you carry a VERY large sum of money on you. You need cash to make all of your payments while in country, and you are living there for a month or longer, so you can get a small idea of just how much cash we need to take. Okay, so I LOVE my bank. That may seem like a strange statement, but it is very true. We have been with them for about 5 years or so now, and I love them. They have made our lives easier and better. Our branch, although we don't actually go into it often, is friendly and familiar. We have a banking officer, who seems to never be working when we have huge things happening like our adoption, but when she's not there, she has someone taking care of her clients. And not just any someone, the same someone every time. So it is still someone who we know, and who knows us. Of course, today, neither of them were in. I talked to the customer service rep, and she was very helpful and kind. She wasn't sure that she'd really be able to help us though. You see, all of this money we need has to be in "like new" condition, without ANY markings, folds, tears, etc. And the branch can't guarantee the condition of the money, and the country will refuse any less then perfect bills - so it won't do us any good to take those with us. So the bank manager calls me back, and in the mess of hardened questioning about why I want so much money and how I'm going to pay for it, and where the money to pay for it is coming from she says to me "Um, and how are you going to get this kid back into the country? How are you going to get it across the boarders?" Ya, so I thought that I loved my bank, until the bank manager made it sound like she thought that we were doing something shady. Which of course if we were the first thing we would do is call the bank and tell them every single detail of our plan while asking for a ton of money... I was able to call the main branch in downtown Toronto and find out exactly what I need to do and when. Took AWHILE, but we figured it out, and now it waits for another day.

After sending most of the day emailing travel agents and calling airlines, travel agents and expedia, we were able to figure out what we needed to do, and what flights we wanted to take, and book it!!! I am very happy to announce that we now have our official travel date. We fly out of Toronto ....

Sunday, March 27th at 6:50 pm

My wonderful sister was able to get many little things finished for me today, which I love because it's so many things that have been crossed off that I no longer have to give thought too.

And then in the midst of all of these things happening a family was being united in K's country. A family that over 300 people from all over came together and helped to make their miracle happen. When they met their son, he ran into their arms and declared that he had been waiting his whole life for them.

And then we all (the Reece's Rainbow community) that one of our families who was a pioneer of their region was denied their son by the judge after a 5 hour hearing. The judge did not refuse the parents as unfit, she ruled the little boy as unadoptable, as unworthy of a family, because he has Down Syndrome. I hope that this family appeals this ruling. And I hope that it bring attention to the problem of how people who are "different" are WRONGLY judged as being unworthy. And I hope that this judge learns the error of her judgement and becomes educated in what it means to be different, and to perhaps have challenges the the average person does not, and how those things do not equal unworthy. There are 2 other families waiting to go to court to adopt their children from this region, and these waiting children also have down syndrome. Please let this issue be resolved BEFORE either of these families need to go to court, so that they their families may be united together, without having to jump through the appeal hoops.

We will also be adding prizes to our iPad Giveaway and Prize Bonanza!!! So watch for the updated post, with more prizes and more pictures!!

And last but not least the winner of today's draw......

# 115 Renee Tam

Thank you Renee!!!! I have something special planed for you ;) And yes, it's almost 2 am and I'm still here trying to get it all done. Oh, and did you see that we have a new fundraiser today?

Our Scentsy Fundraiser

2011-03-17T23:42:00.002-04:00

I was shocked and touched when Ann Gladhart contacted me today and invited us to have a Scentsy Fundraiser with her.

Which looks like this

and this

and even like this

and they have a ton of wonderful scents that you can chose from.

Scentsy Fundraiser, this week only, ends March 25, 2011.

Leaving in 10 days!!!!!

2011-03-17T00:58:00.000-04:00

Wow, another day done, another day closer to our little girl. We're defiantly feeling it here. Our 4 yr old is off, super clingy and whinny and then wants NOTHING to do with you, then cries and cries and can't tell you why. All the while telling all of her babies about how we are finally going to go and bring K home, and how happy everyone will be when she is finally home and can just play with them. Yesterday she couldn't wait for K to get home so they could eat cereal together, now it playing with all the babies...too cute. I can't wait to see that either.

My to do list, in order to leave for SO many weeks, seems to keep growing no matter what I get finished and crossed off of it. And I'm freaking out a little that I'm going to forget something. Right now I am waiting to finalize our plane tickets so I can find out EXACTLY what our baggage restrictions will be so that I can pack accordingly, hopefully that will be finished tomorrow.

Hubby is still worried about the $$ factor, but not as much as he was yesterday. I am so excited to watch our daughter's miracle take place in front of our eyes. It is amazing to watch his heart and mind change to a believer, and I know that he is just a touched as I am by the number of people who care about K and want to see her get home with her family.

Currently we are $95 short of reaching our first $$ goal of $500. I am certain the will we meet and exceed that goal tomorrow (today, since it's after midnight here). Which means that we will have 2 draws tomorrow night, one for the daily draw and one for reaching the $500 goal :-) How exciting is that?!!!!

And all of this talk about draws and prizes, well I did the draw for today and the winner is....

#101 Luba Bowden

Congratulations Luba!!! Please get a hold of me so that we can figure out what you would like for your bookmarks.

And in case you missed it....

We leave in only 10 days!!!

Thanks to everyone for all of your support, no matter what way you give it, we certainly appreciate it :)

One day down....

2011-03-16T00:19:00.000-04:00

Well the first full day of our fundraiser has come to an end. And what an exciting day it was!!!!!

We received our appointment date, we've started to make travel arrangements, and we have raised $265 so far. More then half way to our first $$ goal!!!!

And since the day is done, there must be a winner in here somewhere......
and the winner is..........

# 10 Renee Tam

Renee you have one the custom bookmarks. Send me an email or a fb message and we will figure out what you'd like :-) Congratulations!!!!

Remember if you are sharing our fundraiser on your facebook page, twitter account, or blog (or anywhere else), please let me know so that I can keep track, if you want to be entered into the draws.

Thank you to everyone who has shared our fundraiser today and to all of you who have donated. When I opened that email today, the one I have been waiting for , and found out that we finally have an appointment, and that we are actually going to .....um, oh...K's country, I couldn't stop shaking. I was so happy, excited, relived, amazed...and the list goes on. I called hubby at work to let him know, and he was less then thrilled with my news. He is so afraid that we will not come up with the money, and that we will not be able to go. Oh, he of little faith! I keep telling him that he needs to stop worrying, that everything will work itself out. And I think that we have had a pretty good start to showing him that people care. That we are not alone. And that miracles happen. Our little girls has been sitting and waiting for her family for too long! She is 6 years old! This fundraiser is going to work, because it has to work. SHE deserves her family. SHE deserves to come home. SHE deserves to be loved and feel love from her Mum and Dad (and sister). This is going to work. And we thank all of you for helping us to ensure that it does.

We got it!!!!!!

2011-03-15T11:51:00.000-04:00

I am so EXCITED!!!! We finally got our apponitment date :-)

We have to be there for Tuesday, March 29th at 11 am, so we will likely be flying out of Toronto on Sunday the 27th!!!!!!!!

We still have a ways to go in the fundraiser. Please help us to reach our goal of $16 000, BEFORE we leave. Share, pray, surround us in loving thoughts, and donate it you can.

Hold on baby girl, your family is coming for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iPad Giveaway with Prize Bonanza!!!!!

2011-03-14T23:51:00.003-04:00

See this beautiful girl? That's who all of this is for, to give her a chance to have a future, and to unite her with her family. Please help this little girl to COME HOME.

And so without further ado, here it is, our huge fundraiser.

The fundraiser starts tonight, Monday, March 14, 2011 and will run until Monday, March 28, 2011.

Grand Prize is

iPad 2 16GB with Wi-Fi, in your choice of Black or White

iPad details

Chances are,

$ 5 = 1 entry
$ 20 = 5 entries
$ 35 = 9 entries
$ 50 = 13 entries
$ 75 = 19 entries
$100 = 25 entries
$150 = 40 entries

I know, I know, not very original, but now here's the twist!

The Prize Bonanza!!!!

Each day there will be a draw for a set of 4 beautiful custom made bookmarks.

On each of the Mondays there will be a draw for a $10 gift card.

At the end of the fundraiser the person who has shared our fundraiser the most (you need to let me know at the end of the day how many times and where you have shared) will receive $30.

And as we reach each of the following goals there will be a draw for $25.00 gift card.

$ 500
$ 1 000
$ 2 000
$ 4 000
$ 8 000
$16 000

So here is how it's all going to work,

To win the IPad,
Each donations of $5 or more gets your name entered into the draw for the iPad. The more you donate, the more chances you get - see the chances chart.

Daily Draws,
Each donation made for that day gets 1 entry into the daily draw.
After you have donated, each time you share our fundraiser on your blog, fb, or twitter, you get up to 6 entries into that day's draw.

Weekly Draw,
Each donation and up to your 6 fundraising sharing per day made in that week, goes in to the weekly draw.

Goal Draws,
Anyone who has donated and/or shared (up to 6 per day) during the time it takes to reach each goal level will be entered into that goal's draw.

Biggest Sharer,
Is that even a word? Well it is for this fundraiser ;p Whoever has shared our fundraiser the most, at the end of the fundraiser will win this prize. You do NOT have to have donated to win this prize. Just help us spread the word. EVERY TIME you share our fundraiser counts for this one.

Be sure to let me know, and send me the links every time you share our fundraiser if you want to be added for any of this. Please make sure to check back each day for the draw winners. It is the responsibility of the winners to get a hold of me so that I can get their prizes to them.

And just for a little more inspiration, and so that you don't forget, her's our precious little girl again,

An attempt to share my heart,

2011-03-14T09:06:00.001-04:00

In the last 9 months or so I've read a lot of blogs. Pretty much all of them have been interesting, but only a few are exceptionally written. Blogs such as No Greater Joy Mom, and Micah Six Eight, are well written, and so fully of love and emotion....

How on earth are these woman able to express themselves so well? How are they able to take all of these emotions, emotions that cause physical reactions, and make well throughout coherent posts about them? You know, there once was a time that I thought that I was a good writer, but that thought quickly went away when I started this blog.

I sit down daily, sometimes more then once a day, with the intention of sharing my heart on this blog. As you know, their certainly is not a new post everyday though. Trying to take ALL that I'm thinking and feeling, and cramming it into a post that is a reasonable length and coherent for other to read and understand, and appreciate... Well, that just doesn't seem to work for me so well.

How do you explain the whole you feel in your life? When you know that something is missing, and you can feel it out there so far away. How do you explain to someone that you know that YOUR child is out there, somewhere, and that even though said child may not be of your blood or from your womb that you KNOW that they are still meant to be with you? How do you explain to someone how you know that this is the right thing, regardless of what others would see as roadblocks? How do I possibly get all of these other thoughts and feelings that I don't have words for, down on to the screen?

Adoption has been a very long road for us. We started this process in the spring of 2003. May of 2010 we both knew without a doubt that if was time to finish this adoption, one that had been in the abstract for so long. As soon as we had both expressed that we knew it was time, finding K was so easy. Knowing that she was our so obvious to us. I could write a book about how we know this, and how I can see everything so clearly from our first thoughts of adoption so long ago, to her birth, right up to now. She is our daughter. In our hearts and souls, she is our child already.

Finding our daughter before hand has been a blessing, and a curse. Knowing that she is there, what she looks like, where she lives, what she like to eat and play with... Knowing that she has been taken from what was once her home, and a pretty good one as far as orphanages go, and moved to a whole new world..... How I hope that it's a good world....

Finding her now, loving her now, thinking about her always. It takes your adoption to a different level. It moves it out of the abstract and obscure and throws it into reality. If for any reason we were to not complete this adoption, we wouldn't be walking away from a thought, or a dream. We would be walking away from a little girl, we would be walking away from her. We would be looking into her eyes, and saying "Sorry honey, just can't do it. Guess your stuck there. Oh well, life goes on." And it would, because life doesn't stop for anyone. We would have looked at her, loved her, pledged to be her family, and then shrugged and walked away. And knowing that she is meant to be here with us, how could we do that? If you felt that way, if you had made that pledge to a child, could you just walk away?

There have only been a very few road blocks that we have encountered in this process. They have come in the minor form of people not understanding and showing various levels (or no levels) of support and understanding. The ever frustrating wait for the the different government departments who take their own sweet time to accomplish things. To the major issue of the numerous fees and charges that are associated with an international adoption.

This whole process has changed me. And after spending all day on Thursday thinking about Destiny and K, and trying again, over and over, to explain to Emily about where each of her sisters are and why, I'm seeing things differently.

Our dossier was submitted to the authorities in K's country more then 2 weeks ago now. I am surprised that we have not yet heard a response back from them yet. We could however hear from them any day now, as early as today. And we could travel any day now, as early as this weekend. But we still have a huge mountain to climb over before we can go. We have run into numerous roadblocks in this journey when it comes to money. And we just found out on Friday that we do NOT have the backup money that I was counting on. We still need approximately $16 000 before we leave.

I have learnt so many things since we started the process to bring K home, and all of it was made crystal clear to me last week. Raising this money, going to get her, and giving her a family... That's not really so much about us as it is about HER. This is all about her.  Giving her everything that she deserves and dreams of. Can you look at this sweet little girl and tell her "Nope, sorry. Can't help you today. I choose to ignore the fact that you are alive. I choose to not help you." I have been so humbled. And I am now becoming completely shameless where my daughter is concerned. Our K needs your help, so that her family (us) can travel to her and bring her HOME. She needs you to promise her that she will not be an orphan much longer, that money will not stand in the way of her having a chance to know love, to have a future full of bring and wonderful possibilities.

Since finding RR I have seen so many miracles happen. Now I am asking everyone to help us to become one of those miracles. Our family needs your help.  If we are to make K an official part of our family and bring her home, then we need you. I have never done this before. Admitted that I couldn't do something for my family on my own, asked others to step forward and help. There are so many times over the past that we thought that we should, that others had suggested it. So many things that we needed for Destiny, but we kept quite, hoped for a government funding to cover it, and saved for what ever else we needed. There is no government assistance to locate your child on the other side of the world and bring her home. And there is no time to just sit and save up the entire $30 000 + that the fees total up to. The credit that I was so sure would be available to us (and we were/are more then willing to in cure) is not, and so we come back to what I had always said I wouldn't do....fundraising, aggressively. What more is a mother to do? Like I said, it's not about me, I've become shameless in my words (although still feel shameful and like a failure for being here), and my daughter needs everyone help to untie her with her family.

I have been working hard at putting together a final fundraiser.  Something fun, exciting, with lots of prizes, something that will help us to raise this $16 000 in two weeks. Is it doable? Of course it is!!!! I've seen it happen before, many of you have seen it happen before. And it HAS to happen now. This can't happen (unless someone out there reading is willing/able to provide all of these funds on their own) without every one's help. I will need much help in spreading the word. I will need all of you who have ever love us, loved K, how has ever prayed for us, how has a heart for orphans, everyone to share our story, share our fundraiser, and to do it over and over again, until we reach our goal. There is more then enough abundance in this world for each of us. Love, prayer, faith, and determination can accomplish ANYTHING.

We are so honoured and grateful to everyone who has helped us in our adoption so far. Please do not think that we are not. We have screamed, cried, been completely speechless, giggled uncontrollably, and felt a whole mess of different emotions with each donation that we have received. We are touched that there are people out there who care so much about our family. We have no idea if there is even an adequate way to show our thanks to each of you. But we still try to find it, to figure out how to share just how appreciative we are. For now, at this exact moment, the best I can offer is the honesty of this post, and

Thank You!!!! To each of you who have donated, shared, thought of us, prayed for us, supported us, encouraged us, and combination of these... THANK YOU :-) You have a permanent place in my heart, and my children will always know that YOU are a part of your family's story. That without you, our story would be different.  Please know that YOU are important to us too.

Blessing and love

My Two Missing Girls

2011-03-10T05:38:00.000-05:00

Ten years ago today, right this moment actually I know EXACTLY where I was. I was lying in a hospital bed in downtown Toronto waiting. Of course I had my mother, my in laws, my sister and her boyfriend, and my sister in law and her husband, and of course my wonderful husband standing close by. At that point I was just shy of 42 weeks pregnant, and waiting. After many days and weeks of wondering when the baby would come, when we would get to find out if we had a little Destiny or a little Nathan, when I would finally become an actual mother for the first time, when I would be handed a child that I was being blessed with the honour of raising... That wait quickly turned to scared wonder of why the baby wasn't coming. Was I not worthy enough, did the baby decide that it didn't want me to be their mother after all... Very silly I know, but did I mention that I did go almost 2 full weeks overdue? And now, we had just lived the week of hell. Being told things like our baby wasn't going to survive, or our baby was going to be severely disabled, and that my home birth plans were now out the window, and that I needed to go to a doctor who I didn't know or trust, that I need to have a c section or risk hurting my baby even more....

And right about now, 3 hours late, the nurse finally came down to my room and told me that they were ready for me. That it was time for them to finally deliver my baby. More scared then I had EVER been in my whole life, I walked down the hall with this stranger, in order to find out what my future would hold. What felt like a VERY long story, but was actually only a short time later I was waking up to the sounds of a strange voice telling me how well I did, and that I had a daughter, and that she had 6 fingers on each hand, and did I know where I was, and my little sister giggling at me in the background (Nice Rox, thanks...that's what I remember). Understandably I was disoriented. I had never had anything medical procedure more then a yearly physical, and now after no sleep for a week, I was waking up from surgery being told my baby had 6 fingers and did I know where I was. But I still remember every moment of it.

I remember not wanting to wake up, the drug induced sleep was good, and I was tired. I remember the horrible pain as I was waking up and was transferred from the one gurney to the bed. And I remember the group of professionals surrounding an incubator, looking at me, not sure if they should go down the hall or come into the recovery room. Thankfully they came in to recovery and said, "Mrs. Beamish, this is your daughter, congratulations." Then they reached in and brought her out for me. The lay her in my arms, with their hands in the way, and allow me one quick glance and kiss, then they whisked her away to the NICU. My husband, the awesome father that he has been since the moment he knew we were expecting, went off with them to keep an eye on his new treasure, and my Mum stayed with me. After I was set up in my room, and everyone had gone home, hubby continued to run back and forth between his girls to make sure we were both alright. When he came back to the room to sleep for the night he brought me back a gift. My new daughter's nurse had taken a photo of her for me, since I couldn't be with her. It was then, and has continued to be one of my most treasured possessions. The photo was really the first good look that I got of my baby. Miss Destiny Elizabeth Ann Beamish was born on March 10, 2001 at 12:08 am weighing 4 lbs 8 oz, and was a tiny 16 inches long. It was 18 hours before I got to see her again, they were horrible long and lonely hours. To have your baby no longer safely within you, and to not have her safely in your arms is a very lonely and sad thing. And about 12 hrs after that, I finally got to go down to the NICU and meet my baby.

You have to understand, all I have EVER wanted in this life is to be a Mum. Now, I finally was. The nurse handed me this little tiny package, wrapped up so tight, with lead everywhere and an NG tube up her nose (which she kept trying to pull out), and told me to nurse my baby. It was not really the imagine that I had always carried, but it certainly was the moment that I had been dreaming of. Having my daughter snuggle her tiny little head into my chest, close her special little hand tightly around my finger, loving me, and being completely content to be in my arms - well, words just don't touch how perfect that is. I was in love with her, but I had always been in love with her. Just now I knew who I was in love with.

I can't believe that was 10 yrs ago. How the time just goes so very fast. And now, we are experiencing her birthday, without her for the second time. Two birthdays she has not been with us... How is that even possible? Some days I feel like an entire lifetime ago, a totally different world, but most days I jump up at some point thinking "Crap, how did I forget her meds?" Or we hear phantom pumps beeping, when no pump has ever beeped in this house. There is a whole in my heart, and my life where my first born daughter lives. I miss her more then words could ever even come close to expressing.

I am so grateful for every moment that we had with our angel. I would never trade it for anything. Two years ago my Bubba turned 8 yrs old. She had not been well, and it was the first time that I didn't start planing a birthday party for her ahead of time. We were all exhausted, and I didn't want to rent out the pool if she wasn't going to enjoy it. At the last minute we invited everyone up for turkey dinner. Destiny has a GREAT day. She was so very awake, alert and responsive to everyone (she had a habit of sleeping through all holidays and most birthdays), and in response everyone took the time to connect with her as well. I would even go as far to say that it was her best birthday ever :) And now, today, it is her 10th birthday. They always told us that she would never see this day, and we never believed them.

So, it's my Bubba's birthday today, and I don't get to hold her, and tell her how much I love her, and how she keeps proving everyone wrong, and how proud of her I am, and thank you so much for picking me to be your Momma, and Happy Birthday. There is a pc of my heart missing, my daughter is missing.

And to top it all off, her sister is missing too. Our princess from Eastern Europe. The one that we dreamed about together for so many years. The one that is finally on her way home to us. When we started this adoption process to bring Miss K home, I NEVER though that this day would come and I would still be sitting on my couch at home waiting... missing 2 of my 3 girls, while the 3rd constantly asks when the other two will come home to us.

Please keep our family in your thoughts today. Think of my beautiful Destiny as I do, dancing,smiling and happy in a meadow full of daisy with beautiful wings on her back. And of K, fitting in at her new location, knowing in her heart that we are coming for her, that somewhere out here she is thought of and loved so very much. And for us, that our happy imagine of Destiny will brighten our hearts, and that K's country will issue us an appointment date soon, so that all of my family that can be together, will be together. As I know that Destiny watches over us and her sisters, and wishes for us to feel whole as well. She is very wise, and taught us much. I will never be able to have my family complete and in my home, but I can have them complete and in my heart.

Happy Birthday Bubba!!!!! Momma love you :)

Auction Finished, but some loose ends........

2011-03-05T04:50:00.000-05:00

Okay it's 4:45 am and I have been up all night going through the auction, writing out all of the winners and their contact info, and how much we have made. Then I wrote the blog post, because I didn't want to forget to thank everyone, and then have it stuck somewhere in the middle of a giant update post or anything like that. Now, I've just finished contacting all of the winners who I have contact info for. If you haven't been contacted, then contact me!!!! sara_beamish@hotmail.com

Item #15, the Easter Dress, Dana bid highest at $50.00. I don't have any contact info for you, please get a hold of me!!

Item #9, the Tutu Dress, Debbie big highest at $50.00 I don't have any contact info for you, please get a hold of me!!

Item #24, the Purple Candle Set, Chantal bid highest at $3.00. I don't have any contact info for you, please get a hold of me.

Auction Results

2011-03-05T03:12:00.000-05:00

Well, the auction is finished and the results are in!! I will be contacting the winners by email or facebook soon. If you don't hear from me, please do leave a message here, on facebook or send me an email.

We brought in a total of $516.00. Thank you so much to all who bid!!

And a very special thank you to everyone who donated items, wanting to help us to bring our little girl home!

Kellie Creations
Annie Ament
The Hartman Family Farm
The Vinyl Chalkboard
Deanna Sader
Turn The Page
Art Diva Company
Not Just Plain Jane
Kim Sherwood
Katherine Schatkowsky
Lady Em
Nicole Butcher
Enchanted Crafter

And a heartfelt thank you to Michelle, and Lisa, without who I may have given up and not done this at all.

Blessing and love to all :-)

Our Blog Auction

2011-02-24T11:54:00.005-05:00

Blog Auction - Rules & Regulations

To bid, simply leave a comment on the post that has the item you wish to bid on, with your big amount. Please reaise your bid by at least $2.00 above the highest bid price.
The opening bid price for each item is posted in it's description - please look at the LAST comment to make sure you're bidding high enough!
If you are outbid, feel free to bid again, as often as you'd like too.
Bid on as many items as you'd like! All is fair in the world of auctions ;p
PLEASE only bid if you are serious about buying! We are so gratful to everyone who can contributed, and we have some really great items for you.
PLEASE make sure that I can contact you if you win!!!
If you have any questions about any of the items, please ask them in the comments here or under the acutal item.
The auction will end at 11:59 PM EST on Friday, March 4, 2011. Be sure to keep an eye on your auctions! The cost of shipping in included in your bid, unless stated otherwise.

Please feel free to go ahead and post about this auction on your blog, facebook, twitter, whatever! Our dossier should be submitted anytime now, which means that we could travel anytime now. We still have a long way to go to have all of our funds together.

Happy Bidding :-)

Auction #1	Auction #2	Auction #3
Auction #4	Auction #5	Auction #6
Auction #7	Auction #8	Auction #9
Auction #10	Auction #11	Auction #12
Auction #13	Auction #14	Auction #15
Auction #16	Auction #17	Auction #18
Auction #19	Auction #20	Auction #21
Auction #22	Auction #23	Auction #24
Auction #25	Auction #26	Auction #27
Auction #28	Auction #29

Auction Item #29 - Pink Pincess Bookmarks

2011-02-23T15:33:00.005-05:00

We have an assortment of bookmarks (starting with 6 of them) especially made for you by our little Lady Em. I have been making bookmarks to send out as "Thank Yous" to each and every person who has helped us in our journey to bring our Miss K home. Em saw what I was doing and wanted to make her own, again to help her sister come home.

Here are a couple of photos of some of them. I have since laminated them.

And here is a photo of her with her work

These are not a bidding item. They are a straight sell at $2.00 per bookmark. She is willing to make more if we sell out. And she may consider custom orders ;p

Auction Item # 28 - Hand Rolled Candle, White

2011-02-23T15:09:00.002-05:00

1 double wide hand rolled bees wax taper candle, made and donated by our Lady Em

Our youngest daughter (4 yrs old) participated in her first Candlemas/Imbolc candle making this year. She hand rolled some bees wax candles and has given them to us to help bring her new sister home

White with a peach center candle -8"

Great for tons of different purposes

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item #27 - Hand Rolled Candle, Blue

2011-02-23T15:06:00.003-05:00

1 double wide small hand rolled bees wax candle, made and donated by our Lady Em

Our youngest daughter (4 yrs old) participated in her first Candlemas/Imbolc candle making this year. She hand rolled some bees wax candles and has given them to us to help bring her new sister home

Blue candle - 4"

Great for tons of different purposes

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item # 26 - Hand Rolled Candles, Red

2011-02-23T14:52:00.004-05:00

Set of 2 small hand rolled bees wax candles, made and donated by our Lady Em

Our youngest daughter (4 yrs old) participated in her first Candlemas/Imbolc candle making this year. She hand rolled some bees wax candles and has given them to us to help bring her new sister home

Red candles - 4"

Great for tons of different purposes

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item #25 - Hand Rolled Candles, Green

2011-02-23T14:45:00.003-05:00

Set of 2 attached small hand rolled bees wax candles, made and donated by our Lady Em

Our youngest daughter (4 yrs old) participated in her first Candlemas/Imbolc candle making this year. She hand rolled some bees wax candles and has given them to us to help bring her new sister home

Green candles - 4"

Great for tons of different purposes

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item # 24 - Hand Rolled Candles, Purple

2011-02-23T14:34:00.004-05:00

Set of 3 small hand rolled bees wax candles, made and donated by our Lady Em

Our youngest daughter (4 yrs old) participated in her first Candlemas/Imbolc candle making this year. She hand rolled some bees wax candles and has given them to us to help bring her new sister home.

Purple candles,

1 1/2 "

2 1/2"

Make excellent pray/spell candles.

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item # 23 - Niagra River Photo Seires

2011-02-23T14:13:00.004-05:00

Set of (5) framed 4 X 6 photographs of the Niagara River, by Sara Schwab

This is a set of 5 separate, framed, 4 x 6 photographs of the Niagara River, in Niagara Falls Ontario.

Starting Bid $10.00

Auction Item # 22 - The Bride's Quartet, Nora Roberts

2011-02-23T13:51:00.004-05:00

The Bride's Quartet, by Nora Roberts. Donated by Turn the Page

This Nora Robert's quartet of books.

Vision in White

Bed of Roses

Savor the Moment

Happy Ever After

Starting Bid $25.00

Auction Item # 21 - Glass Bead Necklace

2011-02-23T12:17:00.004-05:00

Glass Bead Necklace by Alena Maresova. Donated by Katherine Schatkowsky

Gorgeous hand made glass bead necklace, from an artist in the Czech Republic.

Starting Bid $10.00

Auction Item # 20 - Quilt

2011-02-23T11:17:00.005-05:00

Lovely Quilt, Donated by Katherine Schatkowski

This beautiful quilt measures 43" x 51". Small blue and white check on back

Starting Bid $15.00

Auction Item # 19 - Sylvia Browne Book Collection

2011-02-23T10:55:00.004-05:00

The Sylvia Browne Book Collection (Set of 3 Books), Donated by Turn the Page

A brand new prepackaged set of 3 books by Sylvia Browne

If You Could See What I See

Secrets & Mysteries of the World

Book of Angels

Starting Bid $8.00

Blog Auction - PLEASE READ

2011-02-23T05:47:00.002-05:00

It is now almost 6 am at my house, and I have not been to bed yet. The laptop has slowed down, A LOT, and it is about to tell me that it is over heating. The blog auction is NOT ready, finished, etc. I have only posted about 1/2 of the items so far, and I have not posted the rules etc yet, although we have had bids placed on 2 different items already.

If you feel that you must place a bid NOW, please make sure to increase the current bid by a minimum of $2, make sure that I am able to get in contact with you (leave your info, especially if you are leaving a comment/bid anonymously). To bid simply leave a comment with your bid amount in the comment space of the item that you wish to bid on.

I will be back to finish/clean up in a couple of hours:)

Auction Item # 18 - Uganda Triple Stand Necklace

2011-02-23T04:54:00.010-05:00

Dual Strand Uganda Necklace. Donated by Katherine Schatkowsky

This is a beautiful triple stand Uganda magazine necklace. Plastic snap together clasp.

Starting Bid $4.00

Acution Item # 17 - Royal Doulton, Darling

2011-02-23T04:44:00.008-05:00

Darling - HN1985, Royal Doulton Figurine. Donated by Nicole Butcher

Adorable, authentic Royal Doulton figurine.

Darling, HN1985

Starting Bid $25.00

Auction Item # 16 - Car Seat Blanket

2011-02-23T04:34:00.005-05:00

Custom Made Blanket for Baby Carrier or Car Seat, by Kim Sherwood

Custom made "Blankie Boo". Your choice of color for your car seat or baby carrier.

Starting Bid $5.00

Auction Item # 15 - Little Girls Dress

2011-02-23T04:07:00.006-05:00

Little Girls Easter Dress, made by Kim Sherwood

A little girls dress, size 2 - 10, in your choice of color.

Starting Bid $10.00

Auction Item # 14 - The Lighthouse & The Waterfall

2011-02-23T04:00:00.003-05:00

The Holiday Light & Crystal Waters of British Columbia, by Sarah Schell. Donated by Not Just Plain Jane.

These two gorgeous photographs in 4 x 6 format, in full color.

Starting Bid $4.00

Auction Item # 13 - The Butterfly and The Lily

2011-02-23T03:53:00.003-05:00

A Costa Rican Beauty & The Passion of the Lily Flower, by Sarah Schell. Donated by Not Just Plain Jane

These 2 stunning photographs, both in 4 x 6 format and full color.

Starting Bid $4.00

Auction Item # 12 - Catch of the Day, Photograph

2011-02-23T03:43:00.003-05:00

4 X 6 Print of Catch of the Day, by Sarah Schell. Donated by Not Just Plain Jane

This beautiful 4 X 6 print, in sepia tone. The possibilities are endless with this.

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item # 11 - Original Painting

2011-02-23T03:30:00.003-05:00

Birds On a Wire Lyrical, by Kristen Howard, Donated by Art Diva Company

Fine Art Original Painting , Black birds on wire Contemporary

TITLED: Bird on the wire lyrical

SIZE: 24 x 30 READY TO HANG

Large 1.5 sides are painted black too! It make a statement on a wall, and goes with any color scheme

Certificate of auth. on back of painting along with title and signature on front and back.

____________________________________________________________

This painting surface is linen wrapped canvas which adds to the durability and quality of the painting. It is the canvas that the great masters used. Quite expensive but the paint lays beautiful over linen. Your investment is sure to last. Professional grades acrylic paints were used which are apparent by the vivid colors. I also sealed the painting with a sealer that has UV protection in it.This painting will be professionally package and shipped Parcel Post. A tracking number will be provided to you! :D

Starting Bid $30.00

Auction Item # 10 - Inheritance Set

2011-02-23T03:08:00.004-05:00

Set of The Inheritance Series with The Inheritance Almanac, Donated by Turn the Page

The Inheritance Series of 3 books brand new and prepackaged, along with the Almanac (also brand new), written by the books author Christopher Paolini.

Starting Bid $20.00

Auction Item # 9 - Custom Tutu Dress

2011-02-23T02:45:00.002-05:00

Custom made Tutu Dress, by RL Creations Inc.

Deanna will make you a custom tutu dress with up to a size 4T. You can choice up to 3 different colors, or one of her existing designs. Imagine the bliss of your little princess.

Starting Bid $20.00

Auction Item # 8 - Bird Chalk/Dry Board

2011-02-23T02:31:00.005-05:00

2 Birds with Hearts Vinyl Chalkboard & Dry Erase Board, Donated by The Vinyl Chalkboard

This listing is for 2 birds with hearts. One comes in dry erase vinyl and one comes in chalkboard vinyl. This would be adorable in any playroom, nursery, kids / children's room etc.

The Dimensions Are:

Total 30"x22"

1 Dry Erase Bird 14"x12"

1 Chalkboard Bird 14"x12"

4 Dry Erase Hearts5 Chalkboard Hearts

All of our wall decals and labels are computer die-cut. There are no edges or backgrounds, you just get the image. We use only high quality 6 mil vinyl creating an artwork look that has been painted on your wall.

Our decals and labels are super easy to install and can be applied to pretty much any surface. Chalkboard & whiteboard vinyl is removable, and can usually be reused at least once, if applied right away.

Starting Bid $15.00

Auction Item # 7 - Original Painting by Jessica Galbreth

2011-02-23T02:15:00.004-05:00

Original Painting - Spirit of Yule, by Jessica Galbreth. Donated by Enchanted Crafter

Beautiful, original painting from Jessica Galbreth's retired collection. 12" x 16" watercolor on 300 lb Strathmore paper.

Starting Bid $50.00

Auction Item #6 - Jar of Soaps

2011-02-23T01:25:00.004-05:00

Beautiful Glass Jar filled with home made soaps from Happy Hartman Farm

A beautiful cookie type jar, glass with beautiful copper/bronzed type lid, stands about 11 inches tall, full of Happy Hartman Hope Soap :-)

Starting Bid $10.00

Auction Item #5 - Bath Salts

2011-02-23T01:01:00.003-05:00

Wonderful Bath Salts from Happy Hartman Farm

Bath salts in 3 separate scents - Baby Fresh, Lavender, and Geranium Rose

Starting Bid $6.00

Auction Item #4 - Custom Hand Knit Baby Blanket

2011-02-23T00:54:00.003-05:00

Custom Hand Knitted Baby Blanket by Annie Ament

Annie will hand knit you a custom baby blanket with your choice of design and color. This photo is only a tiny example of the wonderful work that she does.

Starting Bid $10.00

Auction Item #3 - Wish Necklace/Bracelet

2011-02-23T00:46:00.002-05:00

Wish Necklace/Bracelet, lovingly handmade and graciously donated by Kellie Creations

Peace:

These make great gifts for almost any occasion.

You can wear them as a necklace or a bracelet. They measure 18 to 20 inches.

I have pre knotted them with a slip knot. You simply pull the string that is marked with a small bead, push bead down to the slip knot, tie and trim with scissors.

Each comes on a crisp white card with black print that reads:

A heartfelt wish for PEACE...

Close your eyes and make a wish.

Wear in honor of this wish.

Over time the bamboo thread will eventually break.

When this happens your wish will be ready to come true.

I will also include a small card listing the following color theory information:

Red: poise and courage
Pink: love and beauty
Green: nature and comfort
Blue: truth and Peace
Purple: regal and mystery
Brown: order and integrity
Black: earth and stability

You may want to use this while making your selections or formulating your wish.

These are so much fun - you will want to buy more than one. They make great Best Friend, Mother / Daughter and Sister necklaces or bracelets. They make great Graduation, Off to College, Teacher, and Wedding & Baby shower gifts too. As you can see, the possibilities are endless.

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item #2 - Wish Necklace/Bracelet

2011-02-23T00:30:00.004-05:00

Wish Necklace/Bracelet, lovingly handmade and graciously donated by Kellie Creations

Starting Bid $2.00

Auction Item #1 - Wish Necklace/Bracelet

2011-02-23T00:04:00.007-05:00

Wish Necklace/Bracelet, lovingly handmade and graciously donated by Kellie Creations

Starting Bid $2.00

Breathing easier,

2011-02-22T13:19:00.002-05:00

We are all able to breath a little easier now. We have been able to locate our little girl! She has been transferred to a children's orphanage about an hour away from where she was at the baby house. Although this is a huge relief to all of us, and I am now very certain that we could say that there are MANY places that she could have been sent, that are much, much worse, I still feel horrible that she has had to experience the transfer at all.

Today is a new day though. New for both her, and us. We can choice to look at our day in a positive light and make the most out of it, or not. I am choosing to believe that our little K is trying to make the best out of this. She was always so happy, and wanting to be loved. I believe that these things will help her to smile at the new people around her, give her the desire to talk to them, and find her place there.

Where she is, is a new location for our agency, for our in country team, and for RR/RRC. I feel that the only way for me to look at this, is as a way to forge new relationships. Ones that are more important then just for our own adoption. I do believe in my heart that everything happens for a reason. There is someone, something, some experience or any combination of the 3 at this new place that our little princess must encounter before she comes home. And there is all of that waiting there for us as well. Something that would not be a part of our life's experience if we had never ventured to this new place.

Even though a tiny part of my heart (the Mom part, the part that I don't know how to turn off) still aches that my little girl would ever have to experiences ANYTHING that is the slightest bit unpleasant. I larger part is excited to see what awaits us on this journey.

We're coming little one!!!!

Sarah's Treasure Box update

2011-02-22T12:43:00.002-05:00

Thanks to everyone who purchased a lovely pendent from Sarah's Treasure Box during our fundraiser. Although we never even came close to reaching our goal of 200 pendents sold, we did sell 57, and received a total of $285 in our FSP fund. We were also blessed during this time to receive 3 separate donations directly in to our FSP fund for a grand total of $350.00 :)

We are so grateful to Sarah for hosting this fundraiser for us, and to each of you who purchased a pendent of your own, and to all of those who helped us to spread the word.

And the winner is....

2011-02-22T12:16:00.002-05:00

The VERY overdue post for the winners

The winner of the quilt is Marina St Kitts. Thanks to everyone who donated, and who helped to spread the word.

The winner of the Curriculum giveaway is

Melanie Hartman (chosen by Random.org)

Congratulations ladies:)

Sarah's Treasure Box - Fundraiser

2011-02-03T00:49:00.002-05:00

It's here!!!

Today until Saturday only!!! (Feb 3rd until the 5th)

Our Sarah's Treasure Box fundraiser!!! These make great Valentine gifts, birthday gifts, Birthday party favors, Easter, secret pal and soooo much more. Or if you like to get a real head start on Christmas, all of the Snowflake/Winter pendents are on sale now.

Don't forget that if you buy you MUST leave me a message saying it is for our fundraiser at checkout - Kameron for the Beamish family. If you forget and then you can still let me know and we can still count it. $5 of every pendant sold will go directly to our FSP account.

It will only be for these 3 days, so please forgive me if I become a little annoying over that time;p
http://www.etsy.com/shop/sarahstreasurebox

We still have about $20 000 to raise. Our dossier is ready and waiting for the SDA to reopen so that it can be submitted. Please help us reach our goal of 200 necklaces sold!

Yesterday we just found out the Kameron has already been moved from the comfort of her baby house. Help us to get to her QUICKLY!

We appreciate all of your support:)

http://www.etsy.com/shop/sarahstreasurebox

Please share this on your facebook, twitter, and blog, frequently. We need to reach our goal!

The news no waiting parent wants to hear,

2011-02-01T12:58:00.003-05:00

I had intended to write a post today, all about how it was now February, and that we were another giant step closer to our little girl. And, although that is all true, I can't help but to beat myself up about how horrible a mother I have already been to this little treasure.

We tried so hard to get our paperwork together before the SDA closed at the end of November, but much of that in regards to timing is out of our hands. We knew when we committed to her that she was already 5 yrs old, soon to be 6 and very blessed to still be at a wonderful baby house. We were assured that she would be able to stay there until we arrived for her by many people, but in the back of my mind I worried. And when we missed the cut off date, I worried even more!

Today I received the information that I was hoping to receive. All of our paperwork is ready and waiting to be submitted for next week. Our little girl is still cleared for international adoption. But what I wasn't wanting to hear, what I have been dreading and worrying, and trying to hard to not think about day in and day out was that she has been transferred.

Yep, the trauma that I was desperately hoping to save her from has happened. She was packed up and shipped out. I have NO idea what type of place she is in now, and no idea how she will be effected by this horrible travesty that has befallen her. Even if it is a "good place", she has still been ripped from the ones who know her and love her, she still has had to leave everything that she knows behind and start anew. She is now one of the youngest, the new one, the little one, a possible easy target for older not so nice children... I don't want to think about that.

I can't stop crying. I can't believe that I have failed her so much in such a short period of time.

Please join me in wishing/praying that her transition to her new location was smooth, that the people there care about the children in their care, that the other children there will be kind and loving to her. That they have warmth in this very cold winter, and that they have food to at least put in their bellies, if not able to fill them.

Hold on tight little princess, Mummy and Daddy ARE coming!!! I am so sorry that we were not able to be there sooner, but it won't be long now!!!! I am so sorry, more sorry then I will ever be able to express.

It's the small things

2011-01-28T09:19:00.002-05:00

There are many things that happen in a day. Everyone once in a while one of those things slams into your heart and mind and you are reminded that it is the little things that make life so wonderful. As a parent of a very delayed child you get to learn this quickly and you see if often (thought often it is not frequent enough). It is very sad how quickly we can forget this, from moment to moment and day to day.

Sometimes it is hard to wait for the "main attraction". We all get impatient sometimes, wanting to skip all of the prep and waiting time to just get to the good part. Missing out on or skipping that small things all together. We are NO different. We have been dreaming about bringing Miss K home since June of last year. We have been working on and planning an international adoption since the spring of 2003. We have thought about adopting children into our home since before we were married in 2000. And I have dreamed about being a Mum to many little ones since I was VERY young. So things such as waiting for over 2 months for the Ontario ministry to approve our homestudy and missing the fall cut off date for submitting our dossier to Miss K's country, were a cross between excruciating, and falling back into that feeling that maybe one day far far away from now our adoption dream may come true.

Well, guess what! Our approval did come in. Our paperwork did actually fly over the ocean and is in her country right now. Immigration is finally and actually working on our paperwork. And this adoption, well, it is finally going to happen!

I get to celebrate with my RR family daily as I watch other families reaching and complete the various different steps in their adoption process. I love getting to see progress everyday. With such a large community the small things add up pretty quickly, and the RR world can be a very magical place to be. It is so exciting to be able to experience all of this with them, and I am honoured that these families share their lives with me in that way:)

Yesterday was MY day. I learned that our dossier is translated and ready to go (for the most part), that the list of problems I received in regards to it have ALL been addressed already and will be on their way to office manager who holds all of my papers right now by the end of next week. I learnt that a certain pcs of paper that has been causing me MUCH stress, although still needing to be corrected, is not as important as I have been worrying about for the last 6 months. I learnt that I do not have to send extra money to our agency that I thought that they needed to hold in trust for us, for years, $1500 that we do NOT need to find, YEAH! I learned that we will be able to complete some post adoption paperwork ourselves and not have to pay someone to do this (again more money saved). And in 2 weeks our paperwork should be submitted in Miss K's country. Once that happens, we should know when we are allowed to travel.

Wow, us traveling to the other side of the ocean. Meeting our newest daughter. Growing our family. Completing our adoption.... SO EXCITING, YET SO SCARY! Can't believe how real it's becoming:)

We still have TONS of stuff that we have to complete before we travel. We would love to know who's all out there standing behind us, so please do let us know. We appreciate your kind positive thoughts, your prayers, your love, your comments and your support!

Love & Hugs

CSN Give away Winner!!!!

2011-01-26T21:00:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Ashely Hewell!!!! Random.org picked you, all for clicking on the "Follow" button at ourjourneytohome.blogspot.com you win :-)

Please email me so I can get your $15.00 gift certificate to you!

Sweet Baby Cliff - An update

2011-01-26T15:24:00.003-05:00

Okay, who could possibly forget this face?

This, is Cliff. I posted about him before, here. Well, I have an update for you.

This beautiful little boy has a family working their behinds off to bring him home!!! That's right, he has a family. One who loves him already, who can't wait to hold him, feed him, care of him. He has a Mom and Dad, and brothers, and soon he will have a home where he can snuggle up with them and be joyful and content and safe and loved.

You can follow along on his families journey to bring him home on their blog. They would greatly appreciate your love and support on their adventure to bring their little guy home.

Curriculum & Training Give Away!!!

2011-01-26T11:32:00.003-05:00

For all you homeschooling parents, or want to be homeschooling parents here is a give away for you!!! I’m so excited to announce this absolutely, fantastic Giveaway!

I am currently enrolled in this program, so believe me when I tell you that it is EXCELLENT!!

Karen will be starting a new Montessori Training Class on March 1, 2011. I highly recommend her training! You can find all of the details on the course at Worldwide Montessori Online.

Now, for the giveaway;

What You Will Win: Karen Tyler’s Complete Montessori Training Course AND the 12 Montessori teacher training albums/manuals that are full of curriculum!!! (Depending on your payment plan, this would normally cost $150-240 … and it’s worth much, much more than that!)

How to Enter:

You can enter multiple times! Please make a separate comment below for each entry. You have many chances to win! This giveaway is open to anyone 18 and older worldwide.

MANDATORY ENTRY (worth 1):

Leave a comment telling why you would like to win the Montessori training course and 12 albums.

BONUS ENTRIES (worth 1 each unless otherwise specified), leave a comment for EACH of the following things you do:

* Subscribe to Karen Tyler’s newsletter.

* Follow me via Google Friend Connect (see my sidebar).

* Follow me via Networked Blogs (see my sidebar).

* Blog about this giveaway, linking to the giveaway in your blog post. Leave a comment with the link to your post. Blogging about this giveaway earns 3 additional entries.

* Donate a minimum of $5 to any Reece's Rainbow family who is in the process of adoption.

* Tweet about the giveaway (tweet ONCE DAILY for extra entries)

* Share this give away anywhere on the web! Leave me a separate comment/link for each share.

* Share our adoption journey anywhere on the web! Leave me a separate comment/link for each share.

Contest goes for two weeks and ends Tuesday, February 8, 2011. Winner will be chossen by randow.org and announced on Wednesday, February 9. Feel free to email me with any questions that you may have.

Best of luck!

An awesome mail day :- )

2011-01-20T00:42:00.002-05:00

Today, was a good day! Haven't been to pick up the mail since Friday, so I knew that there would be a lot. Not one bills in there, but there was a cheque, and our language program that we ordered, and our updated RCMP clearances, and some year end statements that I need to get out taxes together.

Now we can mail the updated dossier information to our agency so it can get over to Miss K's country in plenty of time to be ready for submission. And we can start working on a language program that looks and sounds like it will work for us, since my other attempts at learning an Eastern European language have been less then stellar. We have been told that our little girl talks non stop, and I am worried about how she will feel without someone who has some idea of what she is saying and the ability to say something to her that she will understand. I'll keep you updated, especially if it works well, because then we will be recommending it.

I received an email from Immigration yesterday letting me know that they need a certified photocopy of the blank back of my birth certificate. So I took everything over to the lawyer who certified everything for us back in September and they did my birth certificate up for me on the spot, without charge. I was able to get that into the mail to today, Express Post. Awesome!

Can't believe how close we are getting!!! We finalized on bedding this weekend, and I have been able to go through all of our clothes and pull out everything we have in Miss K's approx. size. I bought her some panties, socks, and PJs. We will see exactly when we will be bringing her home and then see if we have weather appropriate outdoor clothes, and buy what we need for her then.

It's crazy that I've let it go this long. I guess I'm still in a state of disbelief. When we first started working on an international adoption, we thought that we would be headed EE (a different country though) to get out newborn baby in October/November 2003. Wow, how time changes things, but yet the path is essentially the same. Either way, we know we are right where we are meant to be. Yes, today was a good day, so many steps closer to our little girl. Hold tight my little gift, Momma's coming!

Quilt Giveaway Extended

2011-01-20T00:33:00.001-05:00

The give away for the hand stitched quilt has been extended:) So if you missed it last time, here's your chance to get in on the draw. A minimum $5 donation gets you one entry. All funds will benefit not only our adoption, but also the Older Boy with Ds Grant fund.

CSN Giveaway

2011-01-20T00:09:00.000-05:00

From the adoptionshop blog:

Okay, I have a $15 CSN Gift Certificate up for grabs!!! Come on now, you know you want it;P

Super easy way to win, help me to promote my blogs!! Become a follower on this blog, and our adoption blog, http://ourjourneytohome.blogspot.com/ , if you haven't already. Each one will get you an entry. Post this on facebook, your blog, and/or twitter, and get another entry for each. Just leave me a comment to let me know where you posted us, and I will add you to the draw. One post per forum per day per person please. You have one week, until January 26th.

Good luck!!

Beachbody Fundraiser

2011-01-15T21:49:00.000-05:00

Did you make any news year resolutions this year? Do you dream about having the best body that you can have, about gaining health, strength? Take a look at our latest fundraiser.

Hi,

I am Johannah Back and I am an independent Team Beachbody Coach. I am also a mother of a five year old daughter with Down Syndrome. We all have been touched by the graciousness of many families who are in the process of adopting children through Reece's Rainbow. I want to help out. Please visit my site @

www.beachbodycoach.com/johsfitness .

I am holding a fundraiser to help the Beamish family out- I am donating my personal retail commissions in the amount of 25% to the families in the process of adopting through Reece's Rainbow from the time period Wednesday January 12th, 2011, starting at 9 p.m. pacific time ( midnight eastern time) through Wednesday January 19th, 2011, ending at 8:59 p.m. pacific time (11:59 p.m. eastern time).

Once you go to my link- Anyone wishing to purchase an item and wanting to participate in this fundraiser will have to go towards the middle of the page where is says SHOP. After you put the item/items in your shopping cart, it will ask you to create an account. You will have to create an account (this will include your shipping address, etc. This is FREE and does not cost anything) No one is able to order unless an account is created. You must also send me an email (backjohannah@yahoo.com), or you can call me @ 1-702-278-4517, as I will need to know which customers are participating. My number is right on the front page. You can give me your name, name of the person that you would like to have your purchase go towards, and what you purchased...I will need to be keeping track of all of this. ( you will NOT have to give me any personal info, ie.. credit card info, etc,as that is all handled via the beachbody secure web site.)

If you wish to participate in this fundraiser- it is IMPERATIVE that you contact me via telephone or email so that I can keep track of all orders that come in during this time frame- as well as document who's adoption you are contributing to. If I do not know you have purchased with the intent on helping out an adoptive family- then I will not be able to apply those funds to them. Please feel free to contact me should you have any questions, or would like to host a fundraiser of your own!!

A quick note about today

2011-01-15T14:49:00.002-05:00

So, Mike is upstairs...painting. He's is painting Kameron's ceiling (because it desperately needs to be done). But if he's in there painting, that must mean that he thinks that the room will be needed soon. And if he thinks that it will be needed soon, then that must mean that we are getting closer to our little girl.

I am SO excited to be closer to bringing her home, to holding her in our arms, to meeting her. But it Mike thinks we're that much closer, then we must be....

It just might be time to start "freaking out" a little;)

Coming soon, a post on all of the reason why when I think to much about actually traveling to EE for our adoption, that we have been working on for the past 8 years, I start to panic!

For now I will marvel in the excitement of preparing for our new daughter, who will be here so soon that even Mike has started to prepare:)

Life is good :-)

Auction coming soon

2011-01-11T23:21:00.002-05:00

We will be holding an auction soon to help get Kameron home. We still have a good amount of money to raise before we will be ready to travel, which will likely be in March. We have received a couple of really great donations already, but are still looking for more. Any one with skills out there who wants to help out please just let me know. Anything is appreciated and helpful! Just leave a comment or email me sara_beamish@hotmail.com

THANKS!!!

A huge THANK YOU :-)

2011-01-11T22:58:00.002-05:00

I know that I am NOT the worlds best blogger. I know that I write to much, and that it doesn't flow, and possibly I get a little more personal or emotional then I intended too. I know that I don't update everyone frequently enough, and I possibly don't write the things that you are waiting for me to write about. I am certainly not perfect, and that shines through right here.

But I try. I try to be honest and share my heart and thoughts. I try to keep everyone up to date on where we are and what that means. I try to write everyday, but some days I miss it and others I can't organize my mind enough to write anything that makes sense, even to me. But I do try.

And so to the point of this post. A thank you. I thank each and every one of you who has ever spared a thought for us through this process, who has sent us love, and/or prayers. We feel your love, and we appreciate it. It feeds our hearts and helps to move us forward. Thank you to each of you who have helped spread that word about our adoption, by talking to friends and loved one, on your blog or facebook. You help us to see and feel that we are not in this alone, and that others feel what we are doing is important, right, wonderful. We see these positive affirmations about our adoption and if helps us to overcome the negative that we encounter. For everyone who has contributed to our adoption fund, words are not enough to express how blessed we feel when we see everyone doing what they can to help us get our daughter home. Many of you are in the process of adopting yourselves, yet you go out of your way to help other families, some of you multiple times. It helps us to see the bigger picture, to know the generosity breeds generosity, that no donation is to little, and the true value of a penny. It is interesting what this journey can teach you about money, if you are open and willing to learn it.

I also need to say a huge thank you to the people who have arranged fundraisers for, have donated items to us for fundraising, and who have shared their blessings with us and shared fundraising opportunities. In an effort to stay positive, I am learning to be a better fundraiser, and with your assistance and support, my efforts are made greater, our success is made greater, and I am able to learn.

THANK YOU EVERYONE, FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE AND ALL THAT YOU DO! WE WON'T WANT TO WALK DOWN THIS ROAD WITHOUT YOU BY OUR SIDE. We acknowledge and appreciate each and every one of you:)

I have so much more to tell you, but that will have to wait for a different post.

To everyone who has donated financially, please know that I have a small gift making it's way to you in the near future.

Our newest fundraiser

2011-01-07T01:32:00.000-05:00

Get your magazine subscriptions for up to 85% off. Order a new one or renew your existing one.

Magazine fundraising online:Bringing Kameron Home

Sweet Baby Cliff

2010-12-30T23:43:00.003-05:00

Okay, seriously. Look at this little lovie. NO, really look. Is he not one of the cutest babies EVER?

This is Cliff. He will be 1 at the end of March. He lives in an orphanage in Eastern Europe, and he is one of the cutest little baby's that I have ever seen.

He IS cleared for international adoption, so anyone who is looking at this super sweet little face, wondering if he may be your son....that is a real possibility!

Seriously! No, really seriously! I don't think that people are really understanding that they really could adopt this little treasure and make him their son, because if they did, someone would surly have committed to him already, wouldn't they have?

Yes, it is true. There are many children on the RR web site that I wish I could bring home, this little guy included. For the life of me, I just don't understand how his family has not found him yet.

For the holiday season RR has a fundraising event called Angel Tree. Cliff's little face has been out there everywhere, and people must be falling in love with him, because they have donated over $8 000 this month to help his family bring him home. Yep, that's right. More then $8 000 in his grant fund:) So where is his Mummy & Daddy?

How I wish we could bring him home when we travel to meet Miss K, but Ontario will certainly not allow us to adopt 2 unrelated children at the same time, and we are only approved for one child, and it is not likely that we would be approved for more, as that is not easily done here.

I seriously hope that he is not still waiting for his family to find him come his first birthday. If you are interested in possibly adopting him, or helping to find his family please email me here.

My Late Christmas Gift

2010-12-30T00:09:00.002-05:00

Well, another Christmas has come and gone. Our second Christmas without our Angel. The previous two years had been seriously messed up for us. Our Christmas 2008 we were all prepared to have this big beautiful Christmas as a family of 5, when Destiny ended up in the hospital with RSV, and our foster son went for a visit with his family and never came back. I was touched by how much effort Sick Kids went through to make Christmas happy for the children and their families who were stuck there, but it still was not Christmas. Destiny came home for New Years, and we celebrated Christmas New Years day. It was strange, and it didn't feel right, and we were missing our little man. Then, when we came home from celebrating, we discovered that our basement had flooded, a full 3 inches or maybe a little more straight across the entire thing. Thankfully it was not finished, but it was certainly full of our stuff, much in cardboard boxes, along with my office area with CPUs on the floor.

Last year we were not really "feeling" it. We were disappointed that we had not been able to move to the new house yet. All of our decorations were in storage (with more then half of the house while we had it listed for sale), and we were still feeling dazed from the loss of our daughter. Then our little one and I spent Christmas Eve with a stomach flu. It was a relief when the 2009 holiday season was over.

This year has been a little different. We are in our new house. Our little one is certainly old enough to fully understand what is going on and is super excited about it. It has been hard, really missing Destiny, knowing that she had never been HERE, and having no where in the house to go to feel that connection with her. Missing our foster son, having never gotten to really say good bye (he passed away in February 2009). Sad that we are not and have not been to EE to bring Miss K home. So many little ones missing from our home, our lives this year. It was also a little stressful as we didn't have money for Christmas this year, as all of our extra money and available credit has been going towards bringing Miss K home. In the end my loving hubby was NOT okay with not giving gifts to our nieces and nephews and so took another side job in order to have a little bit of money so we could get gift for them. We did make it through Christmas this year, our first year in our new house. We hosted both of our families, mine for Christmas dinner, and his for brunch on Monday. The food turned out well, and everyone seemed to have a good time. The children loved going down the hill on the sleds. We lite a candle Christmas morning for Destiny and let it burn through the entire day. I gave each of the children a special "nick nack" that had been Destiny's, from Destiny. Something that they could hold on to and remember her with. We made many happy, wonderful memories this year, and the tears were kept to a minimum.

We quickly learnt on Tuesday that our century old well is not made to entertain in this way, as it was dry. Our water pump finally died too. It made for more memories, and a lesson learned. Everything was better today, after Mike replaced the pump, thank goodness. We were very gentle on the water use, and hope that it will have completely fixed itself by tomorrow. We are very grateful to everyone who gave us cash for Christmas, as it has allowed us to deal with this issue with out stress or worry.

Then, this evening, I checked my email and I saw that I had one waiting to be read (well, actually I had over 180 waiting to be read, but there was one that stood out), and it was from the email address I had been waiting to get an email from, it was from our agency. Very simple it said that our Dossier had been put in the mail today and was on it's was to Miss K's country!!!!! I don't think I could have been more excited and happy:) It truly was the best gift this year. A close second was that someone donated to the quilt draw:) Thank you!!!!!

Hope that everyone had a very Merry Christmas for 2010 :-)

An adoption update, finally:)

2010-12-13T15:03:00.003-05:00

Our dossier is finally completed, our agency had been paid all of their money, and our paperwork is making it's rounds before being sent to Miss K's country.

This is very exciting! Everything is at a lawyer's office right now getting notarizing, and something else (authenticated or legalized). Then when it's done there it will go to her country's consulate in Toronto to get legalized or authenticated (which ever did not happen at the lawyer's). It usually takes a little less then 2 weeks to have all of this done. Once it is, the agency will pack it up and ship it overseas!

Once it is received by the in country team it will be translated and then submitted in early to mid February!

The end is in sight, the day that we will get to meet our sweet little girl is in sight. We are so excited to be taking this HUGE step forward, and to see and feel the progress that we are making in our adoption journey.

Keep smiling sweet little girl. Your family in coming for you!

Happy News Tonight:)

2010-12-09T21:07:00.002-05:00

Wonderful news tonight!!!!!! This beautiful boy, who lives amongst the lost boys, has been found. Brady has a family committed to him :-) He is no longer a lost boy, but a treasured son. Can't wait to find out how his family is, follow their journey to bring him home, and see photos of this little boy in the arms of his parents - his dream come true. Stay strong little man, your Momma & Poppa are on their way!

All about NOTHING

2010-12-08T12:45:00.002-05:00

Please take a moment to read this post written by the amazing Mrs. Julia Nalle.

http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/2010/12/aarons-nothing.html

Julia and her wonderful husband Rob were in Miss K's country earlier this year adopting their beautiful new son Aaron. If you have a minute or a couple of hours you really should read through their blog. They have truly opened their hearts to share what they have seen and experienced while they were there. PLEASE do not let their story frighten you, instead let it fill you and inspire you. They are excellent writers, and their storey needs to be shared. You will also learn why my "crazy" fear of our little girl being transferred are consuming one corner of my mind, and what it could actually and honestly mean if it does happen.

Please remember

2010-12-07T22:04:00.002-05:00

Calling everyone who is willing to PLEASE surround us in positive thoughts, love, prayer, and all of those wonderful things.

In Canada we have 1 single grant program for international adoptions. Orphans Hope. They will draw 4 or 5 names sometime in December or January out of the more then 40 families that have current applications. We are one of those families, waiting and hoping. WE REALLY NEED THIS GRANT, and it would make all of the difference in our fiances for this journey to bring Kameron home.

So I am here, cozy in my cyber space home, ask you, who ever you may be, to please keep us in your thoughts. Although this grant will not answer all of needs, it will cover half or more of what we still need. Please send your positive loving energy towards us, surround us, help us to be one of the blessed families to receive this amazing gift.

Blessing and thanks to all

My heart

2010-12-07T01:16:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure how to write this, how to make sure exactly what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling gets expressed clearly on this page. If you can read through one of my posts, congratulations for being able to follow the many disconjointed thoughts of my mind. But I'm going to try.

I have so much to say, so many thoughts, on so many subjects. I sit to write on this blog almost every night, but then am unable to assemble my thoughts into anything coherent and give up. Or, I just start crying. What a process this adoption has been. What a world to live in where your eyes and heart are open to all of the realities that you already knew existed in this world. If you know me, you already know what an emotional wreak I can quickly and easily become. How I become emotionally involved in peoples lives who I barely know, never mind my friends and family. How I form relationships in my heart with not only characters in movies, TV shows, and books, but commercials and single page ads. Now imagine my heart after reading all profiles on waiting children all over the world, profiles of parents on their adoption journeys, accounts of what they have encountered and seen while visiting with their children at in their country of birth. Not even just that, but about what happens to children right here in homes in North America.

Then on the flip side seeing photos, videos, reading wonderful and amazing stories about these little angels who were written off before their new Mommy's and Daddy's came to bring them home. Some of these children, 4 years old in baby carriers because they are so tiny. Learning to swallow, eat, sit, roll, stand, and more. Children finally being given a chance to be able to feed themselves, to eat at their own pace, and to learn what a full tummy feels like. The happiness, joy, pride, hope, excitement...all lead me to tears.

The little ones who have so many issues, and are so involved that they remind me of Destiny, and or our little man. Then I start missing my sweet angels, and remember just how empty my arms are without them.

And then our little Kameron. A beautiful girl who EVERY describes as always happy, who deserves so much more then she has had in this life. In the last year she has sat and watched at least 2 of the little girls in her groupa, her friends, her sisters, have families come and visit with them daily. Families who bring gifts, and snacks, and spend time with hugs and kisses and undivided attention, for weeks. And then her friends left, went with their new families to live their new lives, and she was left behind. Of course I know that this has happened because she is our daughter and she is waiting for us to go and get her. She is waiting for it to be her turn to have a family come and visit with her everyday for weeks and then take her home. I also know that everything happen just as it is meant to, so I don't need to be told or reminded. None of this helps when I think about how she just spent her 6th birthday still technically an orphan. How she will be spending her 7th Christmas without knowing a family Christmas celebration. She should have been home with us already. She should be learning what the "Buster Brown Pie" is. She should be waking up with her little sister in the morning and coming to snuggle with us in bed. I should be hanging her stocking with the rest of them, waiting for Santa to come and fill it up. And these are the thoughts that I am thinking on top of the other regular thoughts of, how are we going to communicate with her, how are we going to teach her English, will she like the cats, will she get along well with her sister, will her little sister play nice with her, and a new one of will we be home before her new cousin is born or not. And then there is the other side of the worry spectrum. Will she be able to stay at the baby house until we arrive, will she still be a happy child by the time we get there or has she been forced to wait for to long, will she forgive us for taking so long to get to her, will she be happy that we have come to make her a part of our family, will we get enough information about her to help us when we get home in regards to her medical needs, will we have any issues finding all of the supports that we may need for her when we get home, court - I'm always worried about court for some reason. And then there is the area that I try to stop my mind from wondering into, the whole what if she is transferred section. Will she go to a children's house or to an institution? How would she make out there, as one of the smallest, and a child who is already behind in some if not all aspect of her development, will someone take care of her, will someone love her, will someone protect her, what about when that someone isn't looking or isn't working? Will she fall prey to bully kids or horrid adults?

Not being with her breaks my heart. I always wondered how people could stand to adopt from Haiti. Being given a referral, knowing who your child is, being able to receive updates, but having to wait for months and years to be able to bring them home. It seemed to me that the knowing and waiting would make the process feel as if it was taking a thousand times longer then it was (although we are talking about Haiti here, so it may have actually been taking that long). Silly me always thought that going to an Eastern European country would save us from that torture, I guess that joke is on me. I flip through all of the photos that I have been blessed with and my heart swells as I dream or the day that we will finally meet, of the judge saying that we are her parents, of walking away on Gotcha Day together hand in hand to our new life together, of boarding a plane with her to bring her home, of meeting up with whoever is at the airport after our long absence from home, of walking into our home - her new and forever home for the first time, showing her her new own room - and the extra bed in her sister's room should she like to sleep there instead. Dreaming of what it will be like to have her understand that we are there for HER, of her little arms wrapped around my neck in a big hug, or what her voice will sound like, of her calling me Momma and one day having meaning behind that title, of seeing her understand that we are her forever family - no matter what, seeing her light up at the holidays as she learns our family's traditions and how much fun they can be.

It is about 2:30 in the morning right now. It would be about 9:30 am where Miss K is right now, really that's just a random thought. When ever I really look to see what time it is, I count to see what time it is where she is. Our little girl is always asking what her sister is doing through out the day, when we are going to go and get her, if she will be allowed to play too, why her sister is not home yet. Back to the original thought though, the current time. There has been a lot of talk lately about knowing what we know about the "injustice" in the world, but being able to sleep easy at night. I don't sleep easy. Perhaps it is the sheer volume of thoughts going through my head, or the subject of much of it I'm not really sure, but I don't sleep easy. I'm up until I can't stay awake any longer, then I go to bed - generally because I know that without any sleep I will be no good at being a Mom to my treasure the next day - falling asleep instantly, without dreams or with crazy wild dreams about what I have seen, what I know, what I dream about doing about all of this. Some times my dreams are much more exhausting then my time awake.

I think it is time now to wrap this post up. Before it gets any longer or takes a turn to one of the other, many thoughts running through my brain. I have NOT reread this, nor do I reread any of my post before I publish them (see, now you're all saying "aha!, I get it now"), so I do hope that I was able to let you into this one small section of my self, the part that revolves around our new daughter and other children in similar situations as she is right now. This is in NO way all of my thoughts about any of this, but it is my attempt at being honest and staying on one subject.

Blessings to all, you may need it if you just read through all of my ramblings;)

My New Blog

2010-12-02T23:00:00.002-05:00

I have started a fundraising blog.

You can find it here http://theadoptionshop.blogspot.com/. I will list all of the different ways that someone can help us to bring our beautiful little girl home. For now this website is for our adoption of Miss K, but once she is home The Adoption Shop will stay open to help raise money to assist more children to find their forever families, as well as to assist us in future adoptions. I am hoping that I will have a cute little blog/shop going soon, full of give aways and one of a kind creations.

Currently we have 4 different ways that people can assist us in raising the funds still needed to bring Miss K home,

Autumn's generous quilt give away
Mary Kay Cosmetics - 50% of EVERYTHING purchased goes to our adoption fund
I have 49 referrals for people to open ING direct savings account, each account opened gets us $25 plus bonuses depending on how many people open accounts (plus if you open an account with $100 or more, you get a $25 bonus as well)
Affiliate program with the on line used book buyer that Julia wrote about on her blog recently.

The blog is a work in progress, and I will be cleaning it up over the next couple of days. I will also be adding some one of a kind creations. I have a family friend who has made some Christmas ornaments for me to sell, I am working on a couple of little craft decorative items, and I will be offering custom book marks as well. Really the hold up on these items is getting the pictures up, but they will be there soon.

If anyone would like to add our blog address to any of the list of places to shop PLEASE DO :-)

Thanks for taking a look, and letting me know what you think.

Oh my, what a dream

2010-12-02T09:01:00.002-05:00

First let me introduce to you the stars of last night's dream

This is Sandra. She was born in 2006. I think that she is beautiful:)

She is available for adoption, and is healthy.

This is Sam, he was born in November 2009. He is such a sweetheart, and he JUST turned 1. He is healthy too:)

This is Blake. He was also born in November 2009, just a week or so older then Sam. He is healthy as well.

Won't Sam & Blake be adorable "twins"?

And this adorable little angel is Cliff. He was born in March 2010. He isn't even a year old yet!! He has stolen my heart, and I think of him often, so I wasn't surprised to find him in one of my dreams. He too is healthy and growing well.

All of these little ones are listed on RR, and they all have money in their grant funds to help their families get them home. If you are interested in adopting them or finding out more info, please go to the RR web site.

Now, on to the dream,

Last night I had a dream. The strange thing about this dream was the way it just kept going. I had a pretty restless sleep last night, lots of tiny waking up, stretching, rolling over, and falling back to sleep. And these little cuties continued in the dream for most of the night. I missed the whole trip to their country to adopt them, as the dream started as my little sister and I were getting off of the plane with them in Toronto where our husbands and children were waiting for us (including my lovely Miss K). Yep, you read that right. In my dream we had adopted all 4 of these little angels and my wonderful little sister came to help me bring them home while Mike was home with our GIRLS waiting for us to join them. Lucky for me it was a dream, and all of the children transitioned beautifully to our family and our home. We moved all of the girls into our bedroom, all of the boys into our 4 yr old daughter's room, and we moved into the office, and Miss K's room became the toy room. That all worked out perfectly as well. So, what a sweet dream. Of course living in Ontario, there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that we would be allowed to bring all of these little ones home together, if at all. Sandra was born the same year as our daughter, which is a HUGE no no. The adoption of unrelated children at the same time is a HUGE no no. And adopting more then one child at a time internationally would be VERY difficult it possible.

All of that said there is something that really upsets me, and I'm wondering if I'm the only one or not. I understand the importance of blood relations, even when you have never meet the person you are related to. I really wonder how you can take a child from their orphanage, which has been their home, away from the other children in their groupa, who have been their siblings, and tell them that these strange people are now their parents, their family, and it is supposed to mean something. While at the same time saying that the children in their groupa - the ones they have grown up with, in some cases closer then siblings growing up in the same home with the same parents - are NOT their siblings and therefore can not be adopted together. How can you say that a NON blood relationship with their adoptive parents is important and makes them family, while at the same time saying that the children they do EVERYTHING with, who they are bonded to and love is not important because it is a NON blood relationship. Then to make it worse some of these kids have blood related siblings living elsewhere in their country, and the children do not even know about each other, have never met, and all of a sudden a child can NOT be adopted without their siblings. Of course there is small print to this, and sometimes they are able to legally separate siblings allowing each child a chance at a family of their own.

I don't want anyone to think that I am downplaying the importance of sibling and keeping them together. I do think that this is VERY IMPORTANT. What I am saying is that the relationship between the children in the groupa's should NOT be downplayed just because they are not blood related. We are talking about adoption here. Creating families through love, and not blood. I don't understand how you can be pro adoptive, and give so little thought/credit/belief in the relationship between two unrelated children who are growing up together as siblings because they do not call the same people "Mummy and Daddy", yet. Please tell me if I'm wrong, because I really wish I could understand this.

Could one of these angels be missing from your life?

2010-11-29T14:41:00.017-05:00

Take a good look at these BEAUTIFUL children. Each and every one of them are available for adoption. For each one of these children there are many, many more.

Who won't love to bring one of these children in to their lives, their homes, their families?

Stacie

Born, April 12, 2004

Gage

Born, August 2005

Katie

Born, May 2006

Sveta

Born, May 29, 2007

Alex

Born, April 14, 2008

Ella

Born, November 2009

All of these lovey have a couple things in common.

They all are available for international adoption.
They are all very unlikely to be adopted by families in their own country.
They are all living in orphanages.
They all need families of their own.
And they are all HIV+.

Yep, you read that right. They all are living with HIV. Oh, so you think you know what that means? Please, take a couple of seconds and ask yourself if you REALLY DO know what that means or not. Still think you know? Take a look at this video, it's short - less then 4 minutes of your time. Watch and then think about if you REALLY know what living with HIV means.

For more information about adopting a child with HIV into your family you can contact

http://www.projecthopeful.org/

http://positivelyorphaned.org/

http://www.reecesrainbow.org/

Where you are considering adopting a child with HIV or not, please do take the time to learn the facts about HIV, teach your children about the truth of HIV. Like the video says, we are no longer living in the 80's.

Handmade Quilt Giveaway

2010-11-24T12:59:00.012-05:00

My friend's wonderful Mema has donated a beautiful quilt to help raise money to offset the expense of international adoptions.

This is quilt is truly ONE of a kind; hand stitched by Mema, who is 80 years young. She only uses a machine to sew the edges so it can be machine washed, the rest is all by hand!
It measures 6’ 11’’ by 5’ 9” and its beautiful!

So how can you get entered to win?

Just make a donation of $5 or more! Click on the Chip-in button above or email me for my address. We will use random.org to draw the winner on January 15, 2011.

Here is a corner so you can see the detail.

The draw date is future away to give everyone enough time to get through the holidays.

Thank you to you all for your continued support!

A portion of all proceeded collected will go to the Older Boys with DS grant at RR in hope of helping to bring Brady & Heath home.

Need new buttons

2010-11-23T13:56:00.002-05:00

I am so excited to see that it is time to replace a few of the buttons that I have on my blog for other adopting families. They have happily reached the end of their journey, and are home or on their way home with their new little treasures. I will replace them with other families who are still in the process of adopting.

If you would like your button put on here, please let me know. It will save me having to look for some and then having to "pick" who to sponsor.

Many Blessings to all of our RR families :-)

Presentation can be EVERYTHING

2010-11-22T16:31:00.002-05:00

There is good and bad in everyone, it is everywhere. What determines how these things run through your life is COMPLETELY dependent on your outlook on it. If you are positive and look for the good, and give the good, then you will have a good life full of good. If you are negative, and look for the bad, it will find you. The old saying "Misery loves company" is so very true. It is YOUR choice.

I read something today that I want to share with you, and I will after I've had my say first. Please remember that I did not write it, and in a black and white world it is not my belief.

But first, more of my ramblings. The first time that I talked to the doctors about Destiny after she was born they were listing off everything that was "wrong" with her, with quick, ridiculously simplified ways that we would have to deal with them. They finally got to the bottom of their list where extra digits were listed, polydactylies. She was born with an extra baby finger on both hands, that were attached to her fist baby finger by greatly varying degrees. As well as an extra baby toe on her right foot, attached to the other baby toe. In the same breath that they mentioned them they included "..but you'll just get them removed right? No big deal." We agreed while we stood there a little overwhelmed by everything that we had just been told, trying to figure it out, and me SUPER anxious to finally meet and hold my baby. Just seconds later with my baby finally in my arms, I had forgotten most of what they had said, there she was, my perfect angel despite all of her "deformities" and other things that were "wrong" with her. When ever someone would ask us about things that the doctors had told us about, we found ourselves giving the same speech that doctors had said to us. Once we thought about that, it didn't really fit with what we saw in our little girl, what she was or wasn't capable of, or what we wanted for her life. Like unnecessary surgery not being a big deal. Surgery is ALWAYS a big deal! Sometimes it IS needed, and at those times we dismiss the possible negatives and side effects, but if it is NOT needed don't you think that you should put a lot more thought into finding out if it is the right thing to do or not?

My main point is that the medical professions is in a habit of presenting situations to the patients in a fear tactic way in order to get the compliance to do what the individual thinks is the right thing to do. This is not giving you the best health care options, although I completely believe that the individual you are dealing with thinks that it is. Doctors should only be able to give you scientific facts, a clear examples, free from their opinions, so that you can make the right choice for you. The problem with medical facts (and this is so important so please read these statement over a second, third, or more time and remember it) is that if people do not agree to allow their doctors to include their information in the medical research, then other doctors do not know what has worked, not worked, etc for other people. Also if you have something happen that is very different then your info may not be included in the research because it is only one person and it is throwing the research off so much. Destiny had Cobblestone Lissencephaly. I know that she had this because Cobblestone Lissencephaly means that your brain has a cobble stoned appearance to it with areas that are completely smooth. This is something that you have or you don't have. She was not able to have this official diagnosis because to have cobblestone lissencephaly you need to have some sort of eye disease and/or muscular dystrophy. She did not have either of these things, as well as a few other things that went against the norm for for Liss. Also we were told that a child with Liss had NEVER lived past the age of 9 yrs old. Although Destiny did not make it to her 9th birthday there are MANY children all over the world with Liss who are MUCH older then 9. Unless you get included in research, others don't know about what is happening to you.

If you are EVER told that you, your child, or your unborn fetus has some sort of health issue, PLEASE get on the internet and look for other people living with these issues. They are the BEST resource to what it is like to live through this, how to live through this, what to expect, etc. You will learn things that you never knew. Like just how hard it actually is to contact the HIV virus, how children with Down Syndrome can grow up to live independent lives, and just how many people out there are living with Celiac Disease and how to make great food that your WHOLE family can eat and enjoy.

And now that this post has been another long and tiresome rambling about MY thoughts and opinions I will leave you with what I read today. As you read it and laugh, please take a moment to think about how you would feel if you didn't know better, and this news was presented to you in this way. Most of this SO VERY TRUE, that's why we laugh at it, but imagine that you didn't know anything but what this article is saying.

****************************************
Since termination is such a common option for children with Down syndrome, why aren't typical developing children diagnosed like this?

How to give parents a pre-natal diagnosis:

I'm very sorry, I have the results of the genetic tests and they have confirmed our suspicions that your fetus is what we call ... Normal. Some people prefer the terms "Ordinarily Challenged" or "Normal Syndrome". The syndrome can be easily identified by a complete lack of any interesting genetic characteristics. I know this will come as a shock to you, but you should be aware of what this is likely to mean.

If your fetus manages to survive the rest of the pregnancy and the birth, which is becoming more common these days, he or she will face some daunting challenges. Children who suffer from normalcy are prone to health and psychological problems. It is almost certain that the growing child will suffer a seemingly endless stream of viruses. They will frequently damage themselves, and sometimes others, from their excessive energy.

Their relentless demands will put a strain on your existing family and, of course, your relationship with your partner will suffer, and possibly end in a painful and acrimonious separation. Any children you already have, even if they also suffer from normalcy, will be jealous of the newcomer and all their extra attention. Many siblings are liable to be psychologically scarred by the new arrival.

I need hardly mention the financial consequences, although disastrous, they will be nothing compared to the emotional turmoil your life will suffer.

After a while, you may be lucky and find they can be kind and loving young children. They may find some temporary happiness in things such as music, dancing, food or playing with toys.

But if they survive early childhood, a Normal child is almost certain to grow into a Normal adolescent. Your years of sacrifice will be thrown back in your face as they become disobedient, wild and reckless. Unable to find happiness and contentment, they will treat you with contempt until they manage to leave home. Even then the suffering will continue as they will often return to try and extract money. They will blame you for their own faults and leave you bitter and twisted.

They may well become criminals, over a quarter of Normals will have trouble with the law, many will spend time in jail. Many will have problems with alcohol or drug abuse. Normal marriages are often
unhappy and short and over half end in divorce.

Even if they become successful this is likely to be because of the often observed tendency of Normals towards excessive greed. The chances of them sharing their success with you are remote and they will tend to see you as an embarrassment.

Finally, Normal people are likely to die before their time. 23% will die of cancer, 33% of heart disease. Hundreds every year in this country alone are so distressed by their condition that they take their own life. I'm sorry to say that many will have had a lonely, painful and pointless existence.

I am afraid that Normal Syndrome is a genetic condition that affects every cell of the body, and so is impossible to cure.

Termination is an option.

Shall I book an appointment?

..... from a parent who received a diagnosis rather like this.

Bob Lincoln, author

**********************************

Fundraiser Winner & Update

2010-11-22T01:21:00.003-05:00

Alright this is the long awaited update post. Well, I don't know if it's really awaited or not, but it is long intended so we'll go from there.

Total fees for this adoption will amount to approximately $40 000.

To date, we have paid out about $9 500.

We have $4 267.

Which means that we still have another $26 233 to go.

We will be putting out about $2 000 - 3 000 in the next few weeks as we send our paperwork to be translated (after being notarized, legalized, and authenticated).

Our Miracle of 2 fundraiser, didn't really work out the way that is was intended, and seemed to morph into the $200 Best Buy Gift Card Giveaway instead. Thank you so much to everyone to donated. We greatly appreciate all of your assistance in bringing our little girl home. In total we have raised just over $1 500 to date.

We are working on other projects to help raise the rest of the money needed to bring Miss K home, without having to go any further into debt. Your love, thoughts, and prayers are just as much appreciated as your monetary assistance.

That being said, I am happy to announce the winner of the $200 Best Buy Gift Card.

Congratulations to MG.

That's right, MG. One of my beautiful, loving aunts dropped off an envelope of money that she had collected for us with a list of who had donated and how much. One of these people were MG. So Ann, we will be getting in touch with you to find our who this person is and how we can get their $200 Best Buy Gift Card to them.

Blessing of light and love to all~

Edited post script -
Draw done using Random.org, number 30 came up.

It's her birthday...

2010-11-21T23:11:00.002-05:00

Today was Sunday, November 21, 2010. Today was Miss K's birthday. She is now 6 years old, and technically, she is still an orphan.

Ever since we started out on this journey to bring her home and make her a part of OUR family, I have always imagined that this day would be different then it was. I dreamed that we would be with her, or on our way to her, or at the very least waiting to get word of the day that we would meet her. I certainly never thought that we would still be sitting here, waiting to here from our own government. Seriously, at the end of August I was told that our government was issuing approvals within a week. Once our homestudy was submitted (a little more then a week later) our agency was told 3-4 weeks. That freaked me out a little bit, as we were on a timeline, but I could understand how they could get busier as September rolled around. Well it has now been more then 11 weeks!!!! Can that even be right! I totally stopped counting way to long ago apparently. Gee 11 weeks, could our government agencies be hindering this process anymore!?

I know that I have been pretty much completely absent from my blog. I honestly have no idea how many people, if any, wait for a new post to read, to see how things are going. I know that I have a few blogs that I follow, and I get a little antsy when they don't post, and I am always grateful when they do. So, although I'm a little doubtful, but if you are out there - I AM SORRY! I was honestly convinced that our approval would come in a couple of weeks ago, and took the week to make sure that everything else was completely together so that I could personally RUN the paperwork everywhere that it needed to go, pay what ever I needed to pay, plead, cry, and beg so that we would be able to submitted our paperwork before Miss K's government stops taking new dossiers over the holiday season. Well, considering that this Thursday is the last day for submissions, it is glaringly obvious to me that we are not going to be submitted this year. Which means that we will not be traveling this year:( As our cut off date approached, and past, the gravity of what that means hit me very hard. Top that with a "miss Destiny trigger" and it equaled a couple of VERY down days for me.

I am happy to say that the great sadness has mostly pasted. Not enough for me to think about how it was her birthday today, without us. Not enough for me to really talk about it today, while we are without her. I am trying hard to focus on some positive things of not being submitted yet, like more time to help our treasure to nail down the process of being dry ALL day and only wearing ONE pair of panties per day. The reality though, is that I am dealing with this the same way that I deal with most things that I don't want to devote to much time to thinking about, by planning and carrying out a project. Today's project was our treasures birthday party. Our treasure is 2 years and a few days younger then Miss K, so a birthday party some time around now was a give in, and we have to have our parties on Sundays, this is the day that worked. So I wrote up invitations, I put both girl's names on them, and I fully intended to say something around gift time (because that's when everyone is together and you can get their attention for a moment). I thought that we would all take a moment and think about her, send her a little birthday wish....

Here is how today went. About 4 am this morning, before I went to bed I counted out to see what time it was where my precious gift is. Okay, 11 am. I missed the morning, but she still had a lot of day left. I sat down for a moment and thought about her and wished her a happy and wonderful day, full of smiles and laughter. Then I cried a little, and went to bed. Talked to a few people at the party about how the adoption was (or was not) going, about K, and about how it is her birthday today, and yes we were sad that we were not able to be with her any time soon. Then came time for cake and gifts, and I didn't think I'd be able to say anything without starting to slip into that sadness of the weeks before, so I did not. Then I talked with my treasure about how today was her birthday party, but it was K's birthday, and we wished her a Happy Birthday. Then everyone went to bed, I am stayed up, trying to write this post and waiting for midnight so that I can draw a winner for our $200 Best Buy Gift Card.

My dear sweet, sweet, K*******, I am so very sorry that we are not closer to bringing you home yet. I am sorry that you spent another birthday without the love and hugs of a Mum & Dad. I am sorry that I am allowing this to take such a toll on me, that I am not stronger and more positive. I hope that you never see me like this, and I hope that your little sister to be doesn't notice it too much.

I hope that you had a wonderful day, that if you knew that it was your birthday, that you knew that as a positive thing. I hope that you played, had fun, laughed. I hope that you felt special, and cared about. I hope that you can feel the love that surrounds you from people all over this world. I hope that you feel the desire to be a part of a family, as deeply as we want you to be a part of our family. I pray that you do not feel the sadness or devastation that we are feeling now.

So many people love you so much. You have a HUGE family waiting for you to come home and be a part of their lives. You have a little sister who tells EVERYONE she encounters that we are going to come and get you and bring you home. You have a Daddy who is trying hard to keep his heart guarded as we go through this process to bring you home, but who's whole face lights up every time he see your picture and we talk about you being home. You have a Mummy who desperately want to be able to hold you, show you love, and have the privilege of getting to be a part of your life.

We love you. Be strong, stay happy, and open yourself up to all of the love that you have been receiving (and will continue to receive). We will be there soon, not soon enough, but soon.

Happy 6th Birthday my lovely gift :-)

Love You Always,
Mummy
ooxooxooxooxooxooxooxooxooxooxooxoo